A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am starting to have really strong feelings for this guy that works in the restaurant at the bottom of my building. My issue is that I just turned 25 and he just turned 20! I am a Children's Librarian and work with kids ranging infant to 18 years old. This crush was one year in the making and it really upsets me that I get along with this guy so well and am so attracted to him. When I first developed interest I had no clue how old he was and he has a very mature demeanor. I met him before his classes started so when he spoke about his jobs I did not get an indication of his age. Eventually, his age became known and I backed off immediately but continued to get to know him since he worked at my apartment building. I can talk to him about anything and vice versa. I can read him like a book, he is incredibly generous by cooking me dinner and deserts for when I get back from work, we talk for hours, and he is putting himself through college.When I am with him one on one we really do connect but then if his friends swing by or I swing by when he invites me I feel uncomfortable. His guy friends are decently welcoming but when female friends enter the picture they are not so welcoming and I feel extremely ridiculous. I would also NEVER go to his dorm to visit. If I were meant to pursue this wouldn't these issues not even come to mind? I am also conflicted with the fact that he is not much older than the Children I cater to! I don't even know if he has feelings for me (he talks about how I'm on a pedestal in his mind and wanted to get to know me when he saw me smile walking my dog). Please help me sort through these conflicting emotions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI listened to you guys and after about a month of consideration it is now official and I am super happy, as is he. THANKS!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 September 2009):
Well age is just a number. I'm in a relationship with an older woman, so I'm at the opposite end. At the moment, he is in college and yes, his friends are going to be a little immature and perhaps daunting because of their age. And the female friends, I think you'll find, feel threatened by you, because you are older, more experienced in life and they don't want you on their 'turf' as it were. But you know what, you like him and he certainly likes you. When you're alone, it sounds like he's a great guy. And he's putting himself through college, so you konw he has some sort of future in mind. One day, you'll be 30 and he'll be 25. That might sound more appealing to you. My advice would be to just see how this goes. He likes you, you like him. That's all that matters.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): Well, first off I have to say, age is just a number. I think that might be the first thing you should try and look past or let go. Five years may seem like a long time now, but think about that 5 year difference when you are 47 and he is 42, doesn't seem so big then huh? My grandmother and grandfather met in the army and married shortly after (they were close in age). Sadly my grandfather died at 36 when my mother was a child. My grandmother had loved him a lot, but she knew that her four children (ages 6-11 approx) needed a father and she needed a husband. She met my step grandfather a few years later and they instantly connected unlike anyone before (except my grandfather). The only problem, he was in his 50s while she was only in her late 30s. They had about a 15-16 year difference, which seemed like an issue at first, however she realized that he was still a good man, he treated her well, they got along and most importantly they loved each other and each others children. Now my grandmother passed away in 1998 at the age of 65 (four days before her 66th bday). My step grandfather was 81 at the time and in very good health still. The day she died, he died inside and his health got progressively worse until he died less then two years later. My whole point is, they had a generation of life between them but still connected at such a strong and deep level, it didn't matter. My step grandfather loved my grandmother with all his heart and then some, despite the gap in age. He was a good man, and she was a good woman and that is all that mattered in the end, so if you feel like this guy could be that special someone, or even if you feel like he could just be anything, then go for it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained...
Good Luck.
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