A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey all! I'm extremely tired of the life I'm living and the mental attitude I have towards it. As far as I can remember, I have always had low self esteem, slightly overweight, allowing others to walk all over me, needy for constant affection, overly sensitive and tend to have a wishbone were my back bone is. Granted that alot of my life experiences have resulted me in gaining these traits. I'm just so sick of being this person because it stops me from being the best person I can be. I leave everything that's important to the last minute like revision for exams. I sit procrastinating all the time. How do I change and be everything I am supposed to be?? My feelings aren't in line with my thoughts, I know how to be and what I'm supposed to do but I never feel like it. Having recently gone through a break up, it's made me realise i will never successful in anything if I don't change. For example, I have important exams coming up but all I can do is think of my ex. I would be so grateful for so advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013): "How do I change and be everything I am supposed to be??"
The physical changes are the easiest of all. Go to a sports store today, buy a vinyl or leather skipping and buy training sneakers/trainers whatever you call them where you're from.
Go to space where you can use it and skip for half an hour. Doesn't matter how many times you have to stop keep going for that half an hour. Do that every second day after initially waiting for your calves to no longer be in pain and that's your fitness sorted for now. Simple as that, no expensive gym membership, no embarrassing sweaty, breathless, exhausted mess in front of other people. Just skip for 30 minutes 3-4 times a week. Within the first couple of weeks your body will start to feel new. Within the first couple of months it will start to look new too. but almost immediately you'll be addicted, and in time will actually be pissed off that you have to rest the next day and can't do another session.
Both those things will go amazingly far towards helping your confidence and mental strength. You'd be surprized how a fit healthy body can give you so much power.
Onto health, go see a nutritionist or your doctor, or go online and research your own healthy diet. Now don't you dare go on fad diet, and don't you dare go on a weight loss diet. Skipping will take care of all that. What you want is a comprehensive, balanced diet full of good foods, with the odd cheat food like chocolate, cake or a take away once a week. You want a healthy diet that tastes nice, but doesn't feel restrictive or contain foods you don't like.
Seriously my fiancée tried to convince herself to go vegetarian to be more healthy, when all scientific evidence points to it actually be a very unhealthy lifestyle, plus she got very moody and irritable when sitting there with her carrots and tofu while I ate a home-made dripping with flavour beef burger and still having a completely ripped and very high level of fitness.
Cut down on fizzy drinks, cut down on junk, only have chocolate on the weekends as a treat, and eat a good range of meats, veg and carbs. Just regulate the amounts carefully for a while until you get used to it. OP skipping burns a huge amount of calories. 15 minutes skipping is equal to half an hour running, so doing 30 mins burns relatively the same amount of calories as an hours running. That's a lot. If you do that 3-4 times a week that's a lot of cals you need to make up in your diet that's why a weight loss diet will actually screw your health up more than it will do good. Women just never seem to get that for some reason. Too much quick fix bullshit and then they yo-yo, I've been ripped for about 2 years now. Sleek 8 pack abs, hip V, shoulder V, I actually have to eat a little bit extra than most people to make up the difference in the cals I burn off.
As for the mental side, you need to sit down and write out a list of undesirable traits that you'd like to change. Make another list of things you'd like in your life, where you ant to be and make your third list a list of your strengths i.e. your positive traits, it is exceptionally important you are able to list the good things about you that make you proud of yourself, if you can't identify many then ask friends/family, even if you don't agree with them trust them and add it to your positives list. Put that list on the wall beside your bed or like I did on your ceiling as the first thing you see when you wake up. Because your goal is to keep adding to that list.
Pretty soon you'll be able to add fit, eat well, great stamina, work out regularly, cut down on junk food etc. all to that list and can wake up every morning seeing that list grow.
You do that by tackling each of the negative traits you listed and crossing them off.
Find it hard to say no to people? Then say no to the next person who asks for a favour or something, for no reason, just say no and you're busy or something. No matter how badly you feel obliged to help, say no you can't.
Just do it so you know you can. Then do that every time you feel you have to and that it would be detrimental for you to do so.
"I leave everything that's important to the last minute like revision for exams. I sit procrastinating all the time."
That's exactly how I got through college OP and I'm a teacher now. You know we're trained to give out homework to give our pupils something to constantly engage their brain. But I've made it clear to them that even though they're supposed to be constantly revising etc. Some people, me included do not work that way, unless I'm under pressure my brain will not kick into gear and do what I want it to, I'll get distracted, I'll watch an episode of breaking bad or I'll want to just hang out with my woman, anything but what I'm supposed to do.
OP I feel it is wrong to teach kids that they're somehow failures if they don't spend all their time studying in a certain prescribed way that's supposed to be best. I regularly inform them that procrastination works really well for those able to do it, for people like me it's the only way and I have always been a top student.
I never once felt guilty that I wasn't studying as hard as others were, because I worked best as long as I listened in every lecture, took great notes and only started studying them the night before an exam.
OP procrastination can be great if you do it well. If it's how you are as a person just learn to use it well and don't give yourself shit for being that way.
It's easy to change OP, just complete one tiny little goal and you'll want to complete more. Start the ball rolling and don't think about stopping and don't think for one second that not doing something you wanted to do today is somehow a bad thing, just do it tomorrow instead.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013): I recently tried to explain to my boyfriend things that were hurting me. I feel it's good to talk and work things out. Everyone should have their say. He is a little stubborn. He easily criticizes, but is easily offended if you point out something he has said or done that is hurtful. I'd rather lose him, than live a painful existence. He isn't speaking now. Cowards way out.
Avoiding the truth. I'm still living, and helping others.
I miss him too. I carry on because I have friends, and family that I love very deeply. They have always given me support. I too am sad; but I didn't let him take my soul. Just my heart. The world isn't coming to an end, if he decides to leave. It will be a new beginning for me, only he will be missing. It will be painful at first, but I will carry on none the less.
You will learn in time. You can't center every fiber of your being and all your existence on another person. You are exhibiting signs of depression. You've lost motivation and you procrastinate.
You must see your doctor. It isn't just the loss of your mate that you're feeling. You've given up on yourself. You felt validated as a person, as long as your mate cared for you. Now you feel a failure at everything you've ever done. That sort of outlook is very unhealthy.
You must make an appointment to see your physician as soon as possible. You must get to your studies and bury yourself as deeply as you can. Call a close family member or friend just to hear an upbeat voice. Take a walk in the park or read a book.
The only one in this world who can save you now, is yourself. Be your own hero. That takes strength.
Prove it to yourself. There are no magic words that will turn your life around, make you skinny, and successful.
You're in your early twenties, you have time to fix the things you don't like about yourself. Start with studying for that exam. Don't fail for not trying.
Enough of the self-deprecation and self-pity. You have to pick yourself up. You have work to do.
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