A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well my girlfriend had said that she had almost had sex with someone I know before we were dating but the way she had told the story made me feel as though she was lying she said she was a virgin (as was I) when we first had sex but she didn't react the way I heard most people say they did and I know I shouldn't care if she did have sex with the other guy because it was before I was with her but I feel completely heartbroken and like I've been lied to since we first started dating. Is this a reasonable feeling? And what should I do?
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female
reader, raiders +, writes (11 April 2013):
 why would she lie to you, this was your first time too so Im sorry my dear but you lack the experience to make this call.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 April 2013):
 ok so because she did not react the way you expected this makes her a liar?
what reaction are you told to expect when someone loses their virginity... I want to know if I reacted the way folks said I should have....
clearly you don't trust her and for that reason alone I suggest ending it. If you don't trust her now without even a reason to not trust her, then what in the world will change to make you trust her?
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (11 April 2013):
 there is no way of telling if she is a virgin or not other than by asking her. You can't tell by her behaviour or physically. If you respect her then you would trust her and not accuse her of lying for no reason. If you can't respect her then don't have sex with her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 April 2013):
 I have to say that there isn't ONE SINGLE behavior of HOW a girl is going to act the first time. Same goes for guys.
I think being in a relationship where you don't trust her, but can't "prove" that she ACTUALLY lied about it- you just "think" you know, that isn't healthy.
My advice is to talk to her about it. But if you can't trust her on this, what is she supposed to do? It's not like she can fix this. IF she WAS a virgin with you, you are never going to take her word for it, because you have already decided that she CAN'T be one. Which means she will always feel like YOU don't believe or trust her.
My guess is, she had no real reason to lie about being a virgin.
And I have to say I think you put WAY to big an emphasis on virginity.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013): She didn't lie OP she just interpreted it wrong.
OP in my experience when a woman says "almost had sex" it generally means he stuck it in a couple of times but they didn't keep going. A lot of women think they're virgins still after that but we both know that's not true. But that may not have even happened.
"when we first had sex but she didn't react the way I heard most people say they did"
And what exactly have you heard about how they react?
OP I've taken about 20 virginities, yeah I used to think that was a bit of a prize so kept count, and there is no set reaction. It ranges from "meh, so that's all that sex is?" to "Stop, stop, stop that's far too painful" to "Well that was fucking awesome, lets go again." Whoever told you that there's set reaction is full of shit.
OP it is exceptionally rare for a woman to lie about her virginity, they have to have very profound reasons for doing so and generally those that feel they need to lie about it aren't the ones who are going to lose it to you before they're married etc.
Come back to me when you've slept with the same amount of virgins as I have and then tell me if your girlfriend's reaction is what you expected. It varies too much to gauge anything. Not all women fell pain the first time, not all women think the first time they have sex is amazing, most in fact don't. Not all women bleed, not all women are naturally tight, not all women become emotionally attached to their first. not all women are shit their first time, some actually take to sex really quickly.
You are calling your girlfriend a liar based on your own misconception based on something you heard from idiots within your age group that are more than likely talking a load of shit and hyping up their own experience.
So Mr. I've Only Just Barely Lost my Own Virginity, please do tell me how women are supposed to react to losing theirs so you don't accuse them of being complete liars and being heartbroken about it. Sorry if I sound patronizing OP, but you're very immature to accuse your girlfriend of being a liar and being heartbroken based on what others say is "supposed" to happen.
It's not a reasonable feeling because it's based on something you've only barely just experienced, with one girl, based on the opinions of others who are probably as inexperienced or young as you.
OP "nearly had sex" to most women is he stuck it in once or twice and she stopped him. That is losing your virginity and that is intercourse but if it's not a full on Twilight: Breaking Dawn love making session they don't consider it as having sex. That may be what this is. Or maybe you're just being paranoid.
I'm not saying she definitely isn't lying, but I'm saying you don't have any real evidence from which to come to that conclusion and frankly your suspicions don't hold water when held up to scrutiny.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013): It seems you've made up your mind that she's lied.
I don't know what upsets you more: The fact that she may have lied or the fact that she may not have been a virgin.
Personally, I would be more concerned with the former scenario...for a good reason. If you're correct and she lied, then what else is she omitting for convenience sake....STDs?
I'm not trying to scare you OP, but this doesn't sound like a betrayal issue, it just sounds like you don't trust her. Mistrust is not a "reasonable" feeling to have in relationship, especially if it's sexual. Give her another chance to come clean. Tell her the rational reasons why it's important to be honest(STDS).
All that said, part of me wants to suggest you break it off. You can't have a relationship if you feel this way, even if you're wrong about her.
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