A
female
age
36-40,
*eeze
writes:Hi,I'm in need of advice desperately.I've been in a relationship for the past 2 and 1/2 years now,we are getting married in a few months time and I'm studying .lately Ive been having doubts about us,about the wedding,about just being with him.I'm not sure if this is part of 'cold feet' but I'm really confused. The other day one of my ex's called me "we good friends" and its been three years or more that we not together but all these feeling came rushing back.I don't know what to do?I cannot depend on my boyfriend emotionally cos he never listens to me,when we have to decide on something we always argue and at the end of the day he gets what he wants I can't depend on him at all, sometimes Im afraid to tell him what I think and feel but even when I do he hears me but don't listen.I told him I want to put the wedding out and he said no he wants to get married. I then said we must call the wedding off and he said we cant coz he don't want to,eveything is planned and payed for.I then said we'll I guess I had to say no even before you asked my hand.Please help me I really don't want to hurt him he is a sweet guy and has been disappointed before.He don't deserve it.what must I do. I'm not even sure how I feel about him anymore.I'm really confused and need advice a.s.a.pWarm regards Reeze
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (12 February 2009):
 I agree with Artistry, so I won't bother writing too much, she said what I would have, only much better than I ever could have!
I don't think you should marry him. Your intuition and gut seem to be telling you to break off this wedding, and those are both urges you should listen to. You shouldn't be afraid to tell him what you feel, and you will feel this way for a lifetime of marriage if you do commit. This man seems controlling and dominating - like an unhealthy partner. To avoid a toxic, bitter relationship, I would definitely leave him and find someone who prioritizes you, respects you and loves you enough to listen.
Most genuine men would never marry someone with doubts. This man obviously has little concern for your feelings if he wants to carry out a wedding with a woman who may not love him. This shows selfishness... not exactly a great quality in a husband.
Leave him and find a much happier ever after.
Good luck, sweetness!
xx
A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (12 February 2009):
 Hi there, First of all I want to say that I have never been married, so you know where I am coming from. Two lines in your letter stood out to me, "he never listens", and he hears me but doesn't listen" and one other item, "he gets what he wants". So where are you in this equation, forget cold feet, this is not a relationship that will thrive, in my humble opinion. Two people work together to make the train go, it can't be all one person's way or all the other person's way. You are being suppressed, my way or the highway, do you really want to commit yourseelf to this kind of situation for the rest of your potential married life? He doesn't seen to want to listen or to change. If he continues to want to marry you after you say no, find yourself a professional counselor and talk it out. I say get out of this, repay him what has been spent, he wants a
person who will cater to his needs not a partner. Will he e tell you when you will get pregnant? He wants to be the decider, you are having doubts because this does not feel right to you for serious reasons. This is your life, don't do this to yourself. Listen to your heart. You do not owe him anything because he is nice, he should be nice, so what? Question, do you think if he changed his mind about marrying you, he would marry you because you were nice and kind? I don't think so. He would move on to the next stop.
Think long and hard, something inside us tells us when things are wrong, listen to your internal forces trying to help you, if we can't count on our angels what then? Don't do this, it will not work out unless you want to spend the rest of life giving in to all his whims, life should be enjoyed not being intimidated for those who want their way all the time. Love means respecting the one you love, and treating them as you would want to be treated. Take care and stay in touch. An article that may help a bit: www.socyberty.com/writers/quiet+voice.8137 Look for the title "Letting Go: Stop Chasing Ghosts" Please write me back and let me know what you are going to do. Be good to yourself.
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A
female
reader, shortstuff4789 +, writes (12 February 2009):
 if you dont want to marry him then dont . this is only the begining dont let him control you beacues it will only get worse. dont let him push you around you have a right to say no and he needs to respect that. relationships go both ways he has no right to do this .you deserve better. i hope this helps
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