A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've found out that my boyfriend is a lying cheat. However, I found this out by looking through his phone and now I don't know how to confront him because I don't want to reveal that I went behind his back!! What do I do?? Should I just tell him what I done? I want to end the relationship. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Eilish  +, writes (18 July 2011):
 Well clearly you have evidence that you have seen with your own eyes that this guy is cheating.
Say you had a gut feeling as he was acting like his attention wasn't fully on you, therefore you checked his phone to see if there was anything you should be worrying about.
Afterall, if he had nothing to hide it wouldn't have been a problem would it?
Sorry to hear it didn't work out. Just be honest with him, at the end of the day you don't want to be with him so what have you got to lose?
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (17 July 2011):
 Tell him you had a feeling first.....then you checked his phone. This is to say, he's shown signs that there may be some distrust, which prompted you to check his phone. Most of the time where there are acts of distrust, subtle signs are shown, which we may not consciously recognize, but we have an uncomfortable feeling that we're being deceived.
You don't have to act like your just a snoop, and keeping tabs. Say it's the feeling that something wasn't right that gave the motivation to check to see what it was. It's your life. It's your relationship. If you're being deceived, you have every right to know, and to act upon that knowing. If he was true to you, you may not have felt the need to check his phone because the signs wouldn't have been there.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 July 2011):
 you are giving us mixed messages. either you want to end it or you want to confront him and work it out.
if you want to end it you have gotten great advice already.
I truly like the "i need to end this because I don't trust you and I do not like who I have become because of it" because that places all the blame on you. and he can't argue the point. it's not HIM.. it's YOU....
but i sense that's not really what you want.
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A
female
reader, Cookie93  +, writes (17 July 2011):
If you are sure that he is cheating then confront him, you don't have to tell him how you found out, just ask him and see what he answers... and then see what to do after you hear what he says! But only if you are really sure that he is cheating if not then you shouldnt. He would think you are stalking him and you don't have trust in him... So be sure before you do anything! Otherwise if you really love him and you don't want to loose him then step back and go on distance, like let him go if he comes back to you then he loves you. Cheating is bad. When you really love someone you don't cheat, I know because I was cheating and i broke up with my boyfriend because I felt bad, but I don't love him. wish you good luck :)
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 July 2011):
 I forgot to add, why do you think a lying cheat deserves more of an explanation? His conscience should be telling him the reason, even if you don't.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 July 2011):
Without trying to do what? Trying to save the relationship? I'm sorry, you said you wanted to end the relationship, I took that to mean you wanted to end the relationship.
You could just tell him that you can't date a cheater and that's all you intend to say. That would tell him why and you wouldn't have to go all into the drama of explaining why you felt the need to go through his phone.
"This isn't working for me. I don't trust you and I don't like the person I have become. I'm sorry but this is now a toxic relationship and I have to say goodbye. I wish you well. Word of advice for the future: don't cheat. It isn't nice. Goodbye."
Do you live together?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): Why have all the drama? You want to end it, just say Buh Bye... Job done.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe problem is that I need to talk to him about this first. And he would never accept that as a reason! It's also a bit cruel to end something without a reason/without trying.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): I would just come straight out and tell him what you found and that you will not tollerate that rubbish. No doubt he will try and turn the tables by accusing you of snoopin-but do not take it! That is the classical defensive used by every cheat when caught!
Bottom line is, his cheating is ten times worse than your snooping, you went looking because you were uneasy- and rightly so! Do not be manipulated or made to feel in the wrong. He is the one in the wrong.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 July 2011):
How about just end the relationship? "It's not working for me any more. I'm ending it. Sorry. Goodbye."Is the problem that you want him to know you know he's a lying cheat? Or is it you don't know how to end it?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): Tell him the truth. What have you got to lose but a lying cheat!
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