A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for just over a year but want to split up with him because we have been having arguments for aout 7 months. I have tried splitting up with him several times but he always changes my mind andi give him one more chance what should i do???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2007): Im having this same problem. Ive been and knowned by boyfriend since 1999. Everytime I feel I just cant take it and I want to leave he always seems to win me over again by asking and questioning me about my love for him. And obivously since weve known eachother for so long I do love him. Right now I feel like I just cant trust anybody. And I just dont want to get hurt, especially when married. But I also know its gonna be hard as ever to leave. I have seen him with condoms in his wallet and there was a lip gloss on the passenger side of the car and hes not going out with me as much, and he has another little job and is buying himself new clothes and has alot of bills/owns alot of money. Then I heard him commented the other day about how long weve been together and how we have to get married because its been so long. and that made me wonder if the time weve known eachother is the only reason why. He also decided on the abortion I had with his baby last year. He said -dont ruin my life- and I cant afford any responsiblities right now. So, I think I have more than enough reason than you to leave... look ur situation over deeply and really see if it is. good luck to u and everybody else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2007): Do you still have feelings for this guy? Anything at all? I guess I say that, because when one person wants out of a relationship, they just end it--finished. I'm sensing here, a female who may possibly still love this guy, but is at her wit's end. You are unhappy and it's plain that arguing has taken a big toll on your relationship. Let's talk about arguments in a relationship. First of all, occasional arguing is normal. That is how boundaries are set in place and issues are hashed out. Compromise and negotiation is crucial. Secondly, it takes two people to argue. The reasons are many and diverse. Such as 1) it can be attributed to a clash of two strong willed people where both of you like to win and have your own way. Or 2) maybe one of you is way too hyper sensitive and take comments from the other, in the the wrong way. Or 3) you have very different ideas and values about conducting a healthy relationship.
Basically, you can still love each other, you don't necessarily like each other. Perhaps you both have personalities that don't mesh well. The only way to do deal with the stress of arguing, is one of you just has to decide to stop--stop allowing yourselves to get baited into arguing. You can't argue if the other refuses to. Quite simple actually. To do this, you both have to watch out for triggers that begin the arguments and simply walk away until you both cool off. Also, maybe you both have to learn to respect each other a lot more. If you still love this guy, then I suggest you both sit down and discuss how you can handle these 'triggers' and make a promise to start understanding each other. Learn to get in the habit of using some rationale and forethought as to how you will react to the other's comments and personality quirks. This will take effort and hard work on both your parts and it will be a long term process.
Now on the other side of the coin, if you don't love him, you have a painful problem on your hands, whic in effect, is hurting him all the more the longer you postpone this. You are in effect, perpetuating your own misery and his, by not taking the 'bull by the horns' and just ending this. Stop doing that--.it's weakening you. Just be strong and break up with him. right now, all you are giving him is ill placed hope..which is simply putting off the disappointment and hurt, that is yet to come. If this situation has gotten to the point, where you want out to make your own way in life and you realize that their is 'no place' in your life for this guy, then realize--you can't keep being his saviour, his healing balm...it's over..done. Don't stay with him out of guilt and a sense of obligation. That's so unfair to him, isn't it? So please..do not voluntarily allow him to change your mind, anymore. Breaking up is tough and it causes pain and heartache. It's a life experience and we have all been through. He needs to face it-deal with it, head-on, heal and recover, in order to get on with his life. Be strong, do what makes you happiest. Take care, hun and good luck.
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A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (5 July 2007):
 You need convince yourself that it is over.Before you have done it, don't talk to him.Having arguments for 7 months is not the reason to dump him.The reason as I view it is that you cannot stand it anymore.Probably you have some doubt now if he can change your mind.
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A
female
reader, every name is taken +, writes (5 July 2007):
daring at the end of the day it is your choice, so you do what you want to do. there is no point continuing a relationship if you are not willing to. the only other thing i can suggest is to go on a break. the reason why i say this is because i am not convinced that you no what you want. this is because you keep on taking him back, so must want him back a bit. therefore if you go on a break it leave the door open if you then decide you want him back. if he loves and cares for you he will understand and be there for you. good luck
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (5 July 2007):
 You need to sit down and tell him you are unhappy in the relationship and that it is not working anymore, and you can't stop arguing so you don't think it's good for either of you to carry on.
But if you tell him that it is over then you really need to stick with that decision, because he has convinced you before and nothing has changed and he needs to realise that.
Take care.xx.
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