A
male
age
41-50,
*igwill
writes:me and my x was together for 5years, i took her son on as my own and at age 7 he looks at me as his dad and as of november 07 we had a baby girl. My x suffered from depression and has done for many years and ive been through all the hard time and good, and then in the last couple of months she has made friends with lovely people but they are in the same frame of mind i.e drinking as soon as they wake up and bringing each other down. She now blames me for everything that she has ever gone through in her life and refuses to let me see the kids.My Question is; How do i move on and how do i cope with not seeing my children when i know 4-5 weeks down the line its going to be like every other time and she wants me to help her and be in the kids life (but 3 weeks after it will happen again).
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (17 January 2009):
 First of all hon your ex really needs professional help. Having issues with drinking can cause alot of troubles in a family. It's especially hard on the children. I am the child of an alcoholic. The fears that a child develope are certainly real and to a chld are felt tenfold.
Her using the children as a pawn is an awful thing to do and she should be ashamed. However alcoholics don't tend to realize how bad there actions really affect the ones they love. I've had ex boyfriends who were alcoholics as well. The temper tantrums, manipulation, cursing, hiting, yelling all have a strong impact and negative one as well on the entire family. However it's the children who are hurt the most.They are innocent and need the grownups in their lives to take charge and protect them.
What I would do is talk to her about the children and let her know that you are there for them. Try to get her to voluntarily have herself assessed. She may be suffering from something more than just the affects of the disease. If she won't you might perhaps consult a lawyer to find out any legal actions you could take to remove the children to your care until she gets better. When a seperation or divorce happens to a person on alcohol they usually can't cope very well and it worsens the conditions. The alcohol is used as a "crutch" to keep them going. Sometimes they are trying to forget the pain in their lives but they are only creating more.
If you are able to get custody of the children, it will give her a chance to get herself well. If she will then one day maybe she will be able to take care of the children the way she should. I am sorry for your family breaking up. I wish that there was a answer that would just make it all better. The only thing that I know is that GOD IS WITH YOU AND HE CAN MAKE THINGS RIGHT. HAVE FAITH AND SEEK HIS GUIDENCE AND WILL.
There are alot of child protection agencies out there and lawyers that specilize in child welfare law. Consult someone soon and try to convience your ex to get help for her sake and that of her children. If all else fails protect those children by taking affirmative action on their behalf. Also you may want to step back and reconsider going home. It's clear that your ex needs help. When you took on a woman with a child you accepted the responsibility to be his Father and now you have a child with her of your own. IN ALL AFFECTS YOU ARE LIKE HUSBAND AND WIFE EVEN IF YOU NEVER MARRIED. you may be able to do more good if you were there but that choice is up to you.
I WISH YOU ALL MY VERY BEST and I PRAY that LOVE CAN FIND A WAY AND THAT GOD WILL BE IN THE MIDST, SHINING HIS GUIDING LIGHT AND SHOWING YOU BOTH THE WAY.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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