A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so here it goes, ever since I was very young I always knew what I wanted in life and that desire was to better this world in some way before I died. At a young age I could comprehend what death was and that eventually every living thing has to die at some point. Growing up I never followed the crowd and while everyone in middle school and high school were beginning to date and doing the such "norm" for a teenager this was not me because I always found interaction with the opposite sex a complete waste of time. Now I am 21 and in college and I feel so much joy because I was indeed right that socializing with girls would do nothing. All my guy friends are miserable because they have kids, in a hurtful relationship and etc.The problem here is that family members, friends, and colleagues always ask who i am dating or if i am interested in anyone and its annoying. Obviously they wont understand me if I tell them how I feel but questions like that always present themselves to me. I just dont find it in any way positive for me to have a relationship, there is nothing a woman can give me that I want. So with that said what is the best way going about reacting and/or dealing with this situation? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (5 February 2012):
 I have nothing to add, you've been given the words to say to people who ask you questions.
Your young, and you've got very fixed ideas about the world. Unfortunately because you are young you lack a lot of knowledge and talk with ignorance about things you have no experience of.
Hopefully this will change, or you might find yourself having more problems than your friends with their failed love affairs.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 February 2012):
 Interesting follow up.... so maybe the truth is the way to go.
"I'm not interested in dating anyone at this point in time. Thank you for asking. Now let's talk about something else!"
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would never have sex with a women just for the fun of it because one nights stands from what I have seen hurt people and its just a cry looking for something that obviously cant be found with sex. Sex is a very dangerous thing in this world and is a weapon that harms the body. Women are manipulative and use sex as a way to control men like it or not ladies that the way it is. Yes men also do the same but not as controling. The reason I dont like sex and no intrest in women is because I can happily say that Iam owned by no one and iam free as can truly be.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 February 2012):
"Dating? Oh, I'm sure it'll happen when the time is right. Right now, though, I have so much going on, have I told you about my current research/study/enthusiasm? Let me share with you some of my latest news!"
Redirect the questioner if it is causing you so much distress. Have a list of standby answers ready.
Kill 'em with kindness: "Oh, let's not talk about dating! We're here to celebrate my sister's wonderful day! I'm happy just as things are and I hope you join with me in celebrating!"
"You are so cute to be so concerned for my love life, I think that shows great compassion and I am so happy to be able to tell you that life couldn't be better for me!"
"What a sweet question, I feel so happy to be able to tell you that life is going fabulously for me! I am right where I need to be and enjoying myself so much. I don't have a special someone to report on but I'm sure when the time is right, it will happen."
Be challenging: "My, aren't you the nosy one? Have you had a lot of practice in being snoopy?"
Sarcasm: "I'm planning to be on Dr. Phil soon, to discuss my violent hatred of all things relationship-oriented. My mother has been taking valium for the past 5 years and more than one psychiatrist has kicked me out of his office because I refused to play his word association games. My dad started drinking again."
The truth: "Oh you know me, I'm not one for going along with the crowd. I'm happy where I am and it would make me happier if you wouldn't question me on this. I feel challenged and disrespected by this line of questioning."
Just practice some one-liners, have them ready for the right circumstance and all your fretting will be for naught. Preparation is key in this. You can't change everyone else's mind, you can only manage your reaction to them!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): I have to say I agree with anon female, there is a lot of pressure to find "the one" and so much pressure in some cases that any "one" will do. I would much rather be single than in an unhappy, unhealthy relationship. As for my friends, well we don't seem to be as close any more because I feel like I have nothing in common and I find the conversation boring, all they talk about is marriage, children and their boyfriends, they even discuss their boyfriends favourite underwear.
I like you OP have no interest in dated at present and I am focusing on my work and like that it's humanitarian and I get so much fulfilment from that right now that I do not feel as if there is anything missing in my life, perhaps one day I'll will, but I'll say to you what I tell myself... It's YOUR life, and it's a short one so do what makes you happy. I have no regrets because everything I did was because I chose to do it and I don't give into peer pressure either.
I also get the old, tick tock goes your biological clock from friends and family because society says you have to meet "the one" in your twenties and thirties, get a big house with a family car, and have children. Maybe if people slowed down a little, they would end up in more compatible, happy relationships and maybe more marriages would actually stand the test of time as a result. I am not saying I will never do it but not just now.... therefore I must be lesbian right?! LOL honestly, just laugh it off. You don't have to answer to anybody but yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): I know exactly how you feel, I'm the same when it comes to dating. We live in a society where everybody's lives revolve around dating and relationships. There is a tremendous social pressure on every individual to pair up, and as long you are single people will keep asking you when will you find somebody. They will also assume you are miserable because you are single.Generally, it is hard for people to believe somebody can be not interested in dating because they themselves are almost obsessed with it.I wish people, especially women, were stronger, more independent and complete. Sometimes I can't believe the amount of sh**t people are willing to take just so they wouldn't be single, like staying with an abusive, cheating partner. It is so pathetic when somebody feels incomplete if he/she is single.I know people around me probably feel sorry for me or think there is something wrong with me because I date. They can think what they won't, I don't care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): One day you may meet someone who makes you feel differently, until then, don't worry about it too much. You may be asexual and there is nothing wrong with that. Just tell people to mind their own business, you're focusing on your career and so on. I don't know if you have friends who you hang out with but it might be nice to have that kind of interaction even if you don't want the rest of it.
Love is great, but a lot of the time you can end up in a bad place if it all goes wrong and imho, it's not worth the pain it can cause in the end. Not everyone is cut out for a family and relationships, but don't rule it out forever, just see what happens you're still very young.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): Humans, by nature, are not solitary animals. For you to think this at all shows you do not know much about your own species at all.There are a great many people who fall outside of this, but they are exceptions, not the rule.One way or the other, to state that seeking companionship is a waste of time because death is inevitable is not only illogical, it is extremely insulting.You see unhappiness in your friends. Perhaps they are. No real relationship is Roses and Rainbows every second. There are arguments, insults, dark secrets... all just threatening to destroy you. There is baby poop, noisy crying when you are trying to watch Star Trek... all of it.But we do it, because there are little things you just don't seem to see. There is relief when truths are finally aired and maybe they aren't as bad you at first thought. There is make-up sex (the best kind). There is sex in general. There is the simple joy of seeing someone you care about smile at something you have done for them, or they have done for you.There is a child's smile, so small and yet completely engulfing. There is his/her laughter. Nothing makes people smile like a baby's laugh. There is watching your kid grow up and discover that early Power Rangers episodes are way more awesome than the new crap they watch.All these things... life's little joys. You don't seem to see or even understand. But don't presume to say that you are right. Because you are only looking at HALF the real truth.That said, you need to tell your family that your private life is none of their business unless you choose to tell them.And be happy for your sister. Marriage is not an easy thing to enter into, even if getting out of it is. She does not need your cynicism on that day.But don't count out the human experience because you die in the end. It isn't the destination... it's the journey, the people and the experiences we have that make it all worth it.Plus you need to try sex before you say a woman can't give you anything. Until you have known what it's like to have a woman in your arms, sleeping, after a rigourous love making session, or have your mind and soul challenged by that special someone... you have no idea...Flynn 24
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPeople always find it odd that me being a "handsome young man" that I have no interest thus get the question if im gay. Its embarrassing. One girl even told me about this guy she knew I would love and I was so furious over the fact that its just assumed im gay (She was being serious)and I hate being perceived this way. No offense to gays its just not who iam and I feel miss understood.What makes things worse is that my sister is getting married in a couple of months and I know im going to get flanked with questions the whole day :(
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 February 2012):
Sorry I don't answer questions about my personal life.
I've got more important things to do than go dating
Sorry, but that's none of your business
I'm too busy to date right now
I'm ambitious about my future, a relationship would slow me down
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 February 2012):
"I find it annoying to answer personal questions like that!"
"I'm happy and will let you know when that changes!"
"I know people are worried that I won't ever find 'the one.' I'm not worried in the slightest. I'm right where I want to be with the people I want to spend time with and I think that's good enough!"
"I appreciate your concern for me, so I am happy to report that things are just the way I like."
"Is there something about me that makes you think I'm UNhappy? Because I can assure you, I am blissfully enjoying my life and everything in it."
"LIfe is beautiful. At least it is for me. I hope you find the same level of contentment."
"You are so sweet for asking; I'm happy for the moment, and when that changes, you will be among the very first I turn to for help."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): Just say, 'not dating anyone at the moment' and smile. or humour them say 'I've not met the right person yet!'.
It's not that annoying, its a fairly common question, and it doesn't have to be a big deal. I get asked this all the time as well and I say 'no love life for me at the moment. how about you?' which is a polite way to change the topic on to someone else. Or just tell them you aren't interested in a relationship right now because you are too busy and stressed because of college. there are loads of ways to put it, it's not embarassing, it's just the truth. Finally, if you really wan't to make sure they never ask again, just tell them you don't appreciate their prying, personal questions and act offended.
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