A
female
age
41-50,
*ellilove2000
writes:Thank you all for the advice you gave me. I realy appreciate it.At is time I tell you all what the problem is.This is how it happened; I met my first boyfriend 6 months before entering the Polytechnic. He was a good guy. He showed me love and supported me. Along the line certain comments he made, made me to realise that he I will dump him when I complete my education.But deep down in my heart, my dear readers, I loved him and will never do that. I tried explaning things to him but I knew he won't let out that fear.For no reason he stopped communicating with me. I tried calling him once but he refused to talk to me.I was by then going to the second year in school. I had to force and learning and think about my future. All those years that we were apart, I couldn't love because I was still in love with him.I couldn't go into any relationship because my heart was still with him.After 3 years of seperation, he came back pleading for me to take him back. I did cos I still did loved him.The first few months were beautiful but after he was doing his own things. When he needs help I support him but when I ask he tells me he doesn't have. He once told me he will not waste money on a woman he is not married to.I have gone through pains through this guys hands. I was afraid to leave because I love him.Is not that I don't want to move. When I tried he called his sister to plead with me. He was miserable and restless. He then introduced me to his parents as the woman he wants to marry. He has suddenly changed his life style but still drinks and does not go to church with the cheating I don't know if he still doing it. He starting to be a bit caring.All I want is for this guy to change cos he is the man I truely love. May be Flower girl you are right he wants to a loyal loving partner and play both sides. I have tried to torment him for the past 6 months so that the relationship will end but he will not let go. I want to believe that he love me but I don't trust him.It seems my heart doesn't understand what am going through but it is still loving him.I told a friend of his about my intention. He sat me down and told me that even though my man is fooling,he knows very well that am the one my guy truely loves. Why then is he doing this? He drinks, am not saying drinking is bad but once a while is ok with me. I need strenght to push myself through this. There is a new guy in my life who wants to marry me but I don't want anything to do with him cos I don't want to hurt his feelings, knowing very well that my heart is with an other man but I can say he is a good guy.
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male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (26 August 2007):
 You cannot change ANYONE, only yourself. You cannot fix broken people, you can only help them when they ask for your advice. Get away from it all, break contact from both guys, their sucking your energy, and you need time to get your head straight. You don't need someone else to reaffirm who you are. If he loves you, he will show you with kindness and affection. "Love is a verb". Get away for a few months from him. I think you will find he's not the man you thought, and I think you will start to continue to lose respect for him. I do not recommend that you stay with a man you do not respect. It will continue to fester in you until you break. There are a lot of men in this world, he is but just one. Stop being his puppet and gain your self control back. After a few months, you will be able to see with a fresh set of eyes.
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