A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a divorcee with a son.I fell in love with my best friend's boyfriend. Having known my best friend for years, I knew how hard she presses her boyfriends when it comes to relationships. She forces things outta them e.g to go out, to spend time and does not allow them to go out with their friends. She wants them to be around her 24/7. She gets suspicious easily about their movements and acts upon her own assumptions and quarrels with them daily. I knew her boyfriend M as a friend and we used to meet often in where he will pour out his worries about her and the relationship and he doesnt know where it is going and stuff. I used to advise him and we slowly got closer (no intimacy involved then) we used to hang out and go to places together. Then one fateful day, things happened and I was expecting him to say "I am sorry it happened but this is not right as I am still attached to her(my best friend)" but he didn't. It continued from there and it bloomed into a very beautiful relationship where we lived in our own world. He even told me that its just a matter of time before he dumps her cos he cant take her attitude anymore. I understood each n every movement of his and never fought with him nor suspected him but yet, he took me for granted and lied to me and went out with another gal, who he claims was his good friend. But if it was really just a good friend, wats the reason for him to lie? I broke up with him thinking he will call me and come back confessing his lie. But he chose to lie till the end and even blamed me for being psychotic to find out the truth. We have broken up ever since but what hurts me is that, he had so many complains about his girlfriend n wanted to leave her but now he seems so happy with her n here i m feeling so cheated. all the hopes n promises he gave me looks like a lie now. i can't handle the dejection cos i changed alot for him, lost friends for him. i was so understanding to his needs but he still lied to me n took me for a fool. i was just with for 3 mths but it has left me with an impact. I cry everyday till now.Now I have another man R talking to me. It has been a month since i broke up with M he too is a divorcee. he expressed his feelings to me a week back. he has known me for a few years but we nvr really spoke til now. He likes me alot and wants to marry me. he knows about my ex relationship and he even is willing to give me time to adapt to this new relationship. But I am still thinking about M n crying till now and unable to move on and trying my best to forget everything n step into a new lease of life with R.But y cant I move on? Will M get his karma? what should I do to move on?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): i am going to try to be "kind' in my response but i want you to be totally honest of your recen behaviour. you speak so harshly of your best friend. remember you betrayed her. you slept with her boy friend. no matter how much you berate her and make her out to be the evil *itch, remember this - it was you who stole her boyfriend and you who destroyed the friendship. you did one of the worse or almost unspoken rule and you broke it. you ask whether M will get his karma. why are you wishing bad things on a man who has chosen. it is unfortuante that he did not choose you in the end but he choose! and in the end this is all that matters. i can honestly say that karma was a *itch in your life because by taking your best friends boyfriend you destroyed your life in the process. you see when you create your happiness on someone eles heartache and pain when the wheel turns it hits you ten fold. i think sadly this is what has happened.right now instead of moving on with the new man look at things differently. you have too much of baggage and too much of resentment towards your best friend and her boyfriend. instead of now moving on with a new man why not try being without a man for a change. you seem like a woman who needs a man, any man, in her life. being rejected is hard but moving from one man to another is even worse. please think about what i am saying.you learnt a very valuable lesson and it was a hard lesson. 1. best friends boyfriends - steer clear from them. do not cross this boundary agin2. take time out for your kid. prioritise the kid instead and live for him3. its ok to be alone and without a man. please do not fall into the old trap of always having a man around. this co dependency is unhealthy.4. learn to understand why you do the things you do. this will be a hard self reflection. but in order to move on you need to be honest with yourself and work on yourself.5. you say you changed so much for this man - for the better or worse. the moment you change for someone else means that you are not being honest and true to yourself. 6. you lost friends and perhaps loved ones when you started sleeping with your best friends boyfriend - was those few moments of sex worth your reputation and your well being.7. i know you are hurtig right now but take time to heal and to reflect on what has transppired.8. i cannot over emphasis that you erred big time. betrayal of a best friend is a no no. 9. learn to love yourself10. do not jus move on with the new man. if you care anything for him, release him so that he doesn't have to deal with all this unwanted baggage. maybe later when you heal something can develop, noe is not the time11. enjoy being a mother and spend quality time with your son. i think he deserves your full attention and love. let him be your saving gracegood luck and please make peace with your life.
A
female
reader, Cherry_Blossom99  +, writes (18 May 2010):
 Hello my love, I think the main reason you cannto move on is because of the rejection. It is an awful thing, i recently have been left. I do think however, although you may like R very much...if you are still this upset and crying all the time i really think it is not a good idea goiing into a relationship with R. It could cause problems with your relationship, and altough he is willing to give you time i think you need to completely seperate yourself from men. You need to learn that you are a great person, a mother and you can be an independant woman. Becuase you are feeling so low all you will want to do is be held by someone that cares, but that then brings into the equation a relapse relation which is not good. If this happened you would be with R but not really for him, you would be there for the comfort. in my experience, i think you need to learn to have your life back again without relying on a man for any comfort,only then can you begin to know your true feelings for R and build a relationship. I always say that it's ok taking broken hearts into a friendship(girl or boy friend) but not into a relationship. If you really like R you will want to make a fresh start and make the most of the chemistry you have together and the future you could have together. Hope this may have helped you in some way, you are not alone and be strong! xxx
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (18 May 2010):
 Oh !!! Dear, you are so simple and so straight forward and soooo honest....greatest quality you possess, in such fraudulent culture!!!!
here your saying is proof of your simplicity..what hurts me is that, he had so many complains about his girlfriend n wanted to leave her but now he seems so happy with her n here i m feeling so cheated. all the hopes n promises he gave me looks like a ....
This make me to say you that please don't loss your faith in 'love'. No matter how much people cheat you...take all these as lesson...love is great, no matter lover prove short to achieve high ideal. I am sure, remember my words...you will have most lovable lover, as you deserved.
Just preserve your this honesty...and share your pain with other quite openly...as you put here all these on record.
You have all my good wishes....
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