A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for a year and eight months now and having arguments has always been our "thing"; anyone who knows us knows this. We never intended for that to happen, though, we just disagree on really one thing: Who's to blame for starting an argument. But just today, we were having fun tickling each other and then he tells me I almost broke his $400 glasses and he smacks me across the face. I then try to kick him in the "privatal region" and he hits my arm really hard. I then flick him in the back of the head and he whacks me in the face with his swim trunks and tells me I'm to blame for all our relationship problems and to get out of his house.I don't know what to do anymore. Almost everytime we spend time together, I cry because he's being dick. I want to be with someone who won't make me feel like shit all the time! But I want HIM to be that someone! I just don't know how I can change him or how I can change or what needs to be done. I want to stay with him, but all I really need here is help.Thanks. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thanks for all the advice! I really appreciate it! I've had a talk with him and we're sorting things out.
A
female
reader, heatherrrrrrr +, writes (31 July 2008):
 Here's a great article for you to read on the topic. Maybe this is where you will find some answers:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/predictors-of-spousal-abuse-and-violence-in-a.html
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A
female
reader, talker +, writes (31 July 2008):
 P.S. you can have the talk with him...and guaranteed he will tell you that he will try to change and the he cares about you and that he's sorry. but someone like that will never change. trust me. it's a classic case. he will sweet talk you and get back together even after you kicked his sorry butt to the curb...and then boom, it goes back to the same old routine. don't do it to yourself. it's a vicious cycle. get out while you can...or learn the hard way.
as someone else said...there does exist a man out there who will care for you, call you as much as he can, treat you with respect, be the gentleman you want him to be, and who would stand up for you if someone ever treated you as badly as this punk does...and with that little edge that all women love...he does exist. you just have to go through a lot of garbage to get to him.
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A
female
reader, talker +, writes (31 July 2008):
First of all, you can never change a man. He isn't going to all of a sudden change into the man you want him to be...usually that means you want to be with a different man if you're trying to change someone. There's a difference between asking someone to change and compromising to make things work. And what you want...is a different man.
This relatonship is not good for you. Someone who disrespects you and smacks you in the face and then has the balls to kick you out of their place is not a real man. No matter who started the argument...when two people care about each other...they try to talk it out. It should never ever ever under any circumstances lead to physical means.
I really hope that you realize that you deserve more than someone who is constantly going to be a dick to you. Please, leave him.
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A
female
reader, squirshy  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 WOW this relationship is very unhealthy for you and should most definetly be GETTIN OUT of this before u end up in hospital or worst u could end up dead!dont be a fool, be a strong woman, u are worth MORE than that and no lady deserves a smack in the face for anything how dare he hit u. this relationship is dead dont end up the same he will get worse in time. find someone worthy of your love!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe worse part is that it's not the first time. I hope I don't sound naive, but maybe I could talk to him about it?
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A
female
reader, heatherrrrrrr +, writes (31 July 2008):
A lot of girls find themselves in situations like this, you are not alone. But I have to tell you, anyone who hits you, even once, is not someone you want in your life. Much less as a boyfriend.Changing people is impossible. And there's nothing about yourself you could change to make him see you differently, you've already laid the groundwork in the 8 months you have been together.Imagine yourself dating someone who never treats you poorly or disrespects you. Day after day, this guy calls you when he says he will, he never calls you stupid or talks down your ideas. He would never lay a hand on you and would readily knock out anyone who dared harm you.That guy is out there. But I'm sorry to tell you, he's not the guy you're dating now. Each person has different chemistry with every other person(because everyone is different), and the chemistry between you two seems to be violent. You can have the same intensity of love with someone else, I promise, and someday you will.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (31 July 2008):
Yep all beaten wives, really want their boyfriend to be that man, right up until they get murdered.
Your relationship will NEVER change. Yes arguments can be a sign that it's just a passionate relationship, but he SMACKED YOU ACROSS THE FACE. Read that back to yourself a few time until it sinks in.
This is the wake up call. Things will only get worse from here. Do you want to be the girl with the black eyes telling people that "he said he was sorry and it will never happen again"? or do you want to be the one who walked away the first time he got violent and found a real man who treated her right?
It's your choice hun, it's your funeral.
Get out of this now.
Good Luck!! xx
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