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female
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anonymous
writes: I know this is long but thanks for taking your time if you read this:Okay maybe I have been wording it wrong on here when I ask for advice but it seems like people are misreading it, so I will try to make it more understandable. sorry.I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a month. Sometimes I feel like I love him and sometimes I don't. I just got out of a bad 7 month relationship right before that BUT I am over that guy but could it still be maybe I'm confused? I mean it's not that I don't want to be with this guy now because I DO soooo much. I mean I feel that "spark" when we kiss most of the time and when he holds me. I'm not sure if I love him and after us saying we love each other for awhile I told him I was confused and I know I hurt him. But don't think I'm scared of breaking up with him like other people are. Maybe I worded it wrong before but I do not want to break up. I feel something when we kiss and touch and I care about him and he's amazingly perfect. The only problem is about the love thing but so many girls say that's normal and isn't it true that you can't be truely happy and love someone until you're happy with yourself because most of the time I feel bad about myself like I know I'm not fat but I feel fat most of the time. I feel like he can do so much better and I think that's what pushes me away is that sometimes I feel so I don't know .. I can't explain but if you're a girl you will understand. Also, if any of you girls have felt this way about sometimes feeling like you love your boyfriend, then not, then it went away and you are happily married or are going to be or know someone who is then tell me about it so I know I'm not the only one. I mean I know I'm not now but it will help A LOT. so please share lol. Oh and in the beginning of our relationship, sometimes I felt like I didn't want to be with him but those mixed feelings went away and now it's about love but I think another part of being confused is we rushed things which wasn't his fault. All I know is I want to stay with him so please help and thanks for reading all this ..I know it was long. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2006): How long have u been dating your current bf? Time and experience will dictate someone's love for another. Popular myth is that once you start dating someone, love automatically happens. This isn't a realistic mentality.
The connective depth of love takes time. The tidbit feelings of love can be mistaken for love itself. Feeling fuzzy when he kisses u, feeling warm and comfortable when he hugs you, feeling happy and satisfied when he smiles at you, and/or feeling shivers up your spine, making your hairs stand up when he brushes against u are just bits and pieces that make up love. There is so much more to it.
Dating someone, being together isn't about racing to get married. It's about experimenting, to see what works, what doesn't, and how much you two connect spiritually, emotionally, physically, sexually, and through common interests/ideas.
You actually answered your own questions. You said you want to stay with him. Then stay with him. Over time, you will find whether you really want to be him or not. Whether your heart is there for him or not.
All this as said, is known as the dating game.
A
female
reader, Tine  +, writes (24 July 2006):
 firstly i think that you can easily love someone else even if yu are not entirely happy with yourself, think to yourself, who do you know is 100% happy with themselves. Because i cant think of anyone that i know. Fair enough if you've said that you love him and dont mean it you've done right by telling him the truth even if you could have worded it better. But i think that you just said it on impulse because you know he's expecting you to say it straight back, however it is possible that 2 people can fall in love at completely different times to one another. You know you care about him and that should be enough for him at the minute. He cant expect you to lie to him everytime he tells you he loves you because ithat would b wrong. If you arent happy with yourself please try to concentrate on the qualities that your boyfriend likes about you, these things should build up your self esteem and make you feel happy about yourself. And even if you cant stop thinking that your boyfriend can do better than you, think about it. Its YOU who he is with and its YOU whom he is telling that he loves. If he thought for one minute that he could get a better person than you then he'd be right out the door and you wouldnt see him for dust!
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