A
female
age
30-35,
*issAnnonimus
writes:I m starting to wonder if i am normal,i've been with my bf for 4 years and i just can't get enough of him!After all this time,i still wanna just hang out with him every single second of my time...I mean i have social life and i m studying and being busy with difefrent things,but every chance i get i cancel everything so that i can be with him.When on the other side,he always needs his space,he wanna hang with his friends,play play station and often does something while we are together when i could just cuddle up to him and not move and not get bored at all:( We are supposed to start living together,and i kinda worry that i won't get as much attention :/I m really starting to annoy myself! What do i do about it?I go out with my gf,but my mind is with him :) p.s. I am really not suffocating him :) he has his space and all,he's satisfied but how do i help myself?I just hate the fact that i am so depended on him,cause i was never on anybody,not even family :/ Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (15 March 2013):
Hi there. It sounds like you are emotionally dependent on him, and eventually, that can become very suffocating.
At the moment, you are living separately, so you can't be together 24/7 anyway, so that naturally gives him all the space he needs at the moment.
How he gets his space at the moment, is by seeing his friends and going out socializing, and at other times, by playing with his playstation, which is very healthy, as he needs his own friends and his own interests, as well as his relationship with you.
It is not a good idea for you to keep on cancelling nights out with your friends, as it gives you your space as well.
And you BOTH need your own personal space - it's really important.
Because, what can happen when you cancel seeing your friends on a regular basis, is that you eventually find that your friends stop asking you out, because they feel you are only going to say "No" anyway, and so eventually you find that all your life has become, is just you and your boyfriend.
And this can make for a lot of unhappiness - for you.
It then makes your boyfriend completely responsible for your happiness, and that is a LOT of pressure on a man.
Because, then you are totally dependent on him to make your happy, and he will feel that no matter what he does he still can't fulfill your search for happiness.
And what it can often do, is cause a lot of tension between you and as a consequence of that, a lot of arguments also.
And if nothing is changed, it almost inevitably leads to a breakup of that relationship.
At the moment, your boyfriend can take control of his free time - because you are not living together.
But, in future if you do decide to move in together, it will become intolerable for him, and it will almost certainly start becoming a problem within a couple of weeks to about one month.
So to avoid any problems like this in the near future, you and your boyfriend need to sit down together and have a discussion about how often you want to be seeing each other, and what are your expectations of the relationship in that regard, and what are his expectations of the relationship respectively.
And you both need to be very clear about this, when you do have this talk.
And as soon as you have this chat, you can prevent what could later become an explosive situation, which is something you want to avoid at all costs.
And I do suggest you have this chat, as soon as you possibly can.
Please, don't delay it one single day longer.
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