A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a married women and i have been having a relationship with a married co worker.(he is 48)It started 4 months ago we hit it off and have many things in common.He knew that my own marriage was having problems and we were going to split up our house was even put up for sale,then 2 months into my affair my husband found out he asked the person i was seeing if it was true he said no but i already told him we were ,and he was going to leave his wife just needed to find the right time.we carried on seeing one another he would always tell me how beautiful and sexy i am and how unhappy he was with his wife and he had never done anything like this before,he took me to a hotel and into his home(his wife was at work)we brought each other presents and we fell in love.Then his wife found out she was at work and a person who works with us both told her.Now everything was out in the open we would not have to sneak around any more.His wife confronted me and hit me she said that's for going into my home she was arrested but not charged,and she knew everything that we had done and what our plans were only now he says he loves his wife and he sorry for hurting her and wants to stay and make it up to her.Since then we(his wife)have found out that i was not the first women he had had an affair with but she has stood by him,i know that she was going to leave and i have heard that she is staying with him only to make him suffer,but i want to be with him i am still with my husband but i want this other man i would give any thing for us to be together he showered me with love and affection and i dont know why he never left his wife as he can't love her he would not have been with me right?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): Mmm... not necessarily right. Men have lots of reasons for affairs. The normal reasons are that the sex has dried up with the wife, the wife is too interested in the children so he comes second, he gets insufficient attention, she no longer listens to him and they have no common interests. Often the thrill of the sex, attention, illicit meetings and hotels are all that the man wants. When it comes to actually leaving the wife and the kids and they realise how they are going to suffer financially the man will suddenly not be so keen. Statistically 90% of relationships fail when the man leaves the wife for his girlfriend. I appreciate and understand that you are in love with this man but it might help to back off a bit so he doesn't feel so pressurised between having to pick between the two of you. You do not mention if there are any children but if there are do you really want to be the kind of woman who takes away their father. Often married men of that age group will have a fling and they really only want a bit of fun, deep down they have no intention of ever leaving their wife. It was wrong of you to go into her house when she was at work, however much he might have convinced you otherwise and I am sure you wouldn't have liked that done to you in your own home. I think if anything is going to come of this it is a waiting game. In the meantime keep yourself busy with interests that do not involve him in any way, go out with your girlfriends and don't appear clingy or needy with him. You also say this is not the first time he has strayed. Remember if he does this to his wife he will also do this to you at some stage so do you really want to be with a man who behaves like this with no thought for a woman's feelings? Concentrate and look after yourself for a while omitting him from the picture.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): First of all i would sort out your own marriage problems.What this guy s been doing is using you,he will never leave his wife he has no respect for any-one and while he gets away with it he will carry on cheating.My advice to you is move on sort you own life out your own husband needs to know where he stands,why stay with him if you want another man? he must love you but do you love him?
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