A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok this is a weird situation and queston. well I was at work today and one of my co workers asked me if anyone has ever told me that I had seductive eyes?! well I said no not in that way. well anyway she kept on and on with it and told me I had very seductive and erotic eyes! I was flatterd until she said they were like do me eyes but she used another word that starts with an f and ends with k! so I've been single for 2yrs now I've talked to a few guys here and there but end up ditching them because I feel like they just want to have sex. is this a problem?! help me! I want someone to take me serious and not just think like that of me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): I hate to "blame the victim" here, but in my experience every female I've known that's complained to me about guys only wanting them for sex has been actively doing things to attract men's attention. They all knew exactly what they were doing too, they just weren't honest with themselves about it.
If I may slip on my amateur psychoanalyst hat for a moment, I think that some women derive a great deal of their self esteem from the amount of attention they receive from the opposite sex. If you didn't have guys trying to get at you all the time how would you feel about your looks?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell I just want to thank everyone for there feedback I really appreciate it. but I just wanted to add my job well I'm a make up artist I wear a longsleeve black shirt and black pants to work everyday so It can't be how I dress. anyway my coworker is married she is 30 yrs old not a little girl! also about the whole dating older men I had an over 30 rule and would date guys between 30 and 35 believe they all have been the same. but thank you guys I will surely stay away from this girl.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (17 June 2009):
 In your question, you say that "she" told you you had "f me eyes." I agree with someone else, that there are not that many mature people in your age group. Is this woman a lesbian?
This is sexual harrassment and you should report it. Keep sticking to your ground. Advance in your career, get an education, or both. If you keep persisting, eventually one day I'm sure people will take you seriously.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): Hey same thing happens to me. I only get viewed in a sexual way - Its not the way I dress thats for sure. I know that because at my work I have to dress in the most unflatering oversized thing ever. And even a guy at my work is saying dirty stuff about me. Its our age I guess? Guys our age are just sex driven pigs only after a root (eh mind the pun)
Harsh but true.
All I can recomend is ignore it because its not going to go away any time soon. As long as you arent jumping in the sack with them and giving them exactly what they want then you arent doing anything to bring it on yourself.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (17 June 2009):
 The next time a coworker says something like that to you, cut them off. For one thing, that's inappropriate talk for work. F me eyes, indeed. That's sexual harassment.
I second all the advice that says to carry yourself professionally and with respect. Respect yourself, carry on intelligent conversation, and a great guy will come along and like you for you. It will take time, and you'll have to weed out the knuckleheads, but keep going and it will happen.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): Under what circumstances are you meeting these men? And how do you dress?
If you meet them at a bar, then there's no gaurantee theyre not just out looking to "get some" but if you meet them at work, or you go into somwhere that he works or some other professional place, then you are likely to find a more mature man.
And as Grim put it, definitely your age doesn't help you either, because I think a lot of men at that age jjust want to have fun and mess around. maybe you could shoot for a little older?
And how you dress can obviously affect what people want when they look at you, and what they expect you to give. If you're rather conservative then that should leave less of an "i want sex" impression. Do you see what I mean? I'm not saying you don't dress that way already, because i have no idea, i'm just trying to give you more ideas.
Even something as simple as putting your hair up instead of down can leave a different impression.
I have a sister in law who actually made herself uglier so that if someone were interested in her, she would know it was for who she really was. Then once she got into the relationship, she could go back to her pretty ol self.
~SY.
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A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (17 June 2009):
A lot of guys do just want sex, a lot of guys want more. If you want to be taken seriously act serious, and be serious about your values. Start the dating process slow, get to know the person, if you jump into bed with them after knowing them a short while they are going to make the assumption that you do that all the time with other guys and might not see you as "relationship material" Wait for sex. By postponing sex the guy you are dating will see that you actually want to know about his personality, in turn he might want to know more about yours (depending on his intentions obviously) and sex will come later, when the timing is right.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (17 June 2009):
 Well chalk it up to the fact that at your young age, there arent a lot of very mature people in the same age group. Does anyone at your job speak to you or do they talk to your chest?
The best advice I can give you is to carry yourself as much as possible in a professional manner at all times at work for the forseeable future and don't socialize with these goofs at work if it makes you feel uncomfortable like this unless it is absolutely necessary. Say you are out with some co-workers having some drinks, you want this girl hitting on you again? Don't put yourself in that position. The eventual work obligation, etc will go much smoother if you just act professional. Im not saying you don't, Im saying that if you go into "Stoic Mode" for a bit this will most likely go away.
But actions speak louder than words. If you feel uncomfortable with the comments(many people would be taken aback that a co-worker blurts out you have "Fuck Me Eyes") then ask them to stop.
It isn't you, its your surroundings. Surround yourself with some people a little more mature. You may meet someone a little older, who can appreciate the total package, rather than the bells and whistles.
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