A
male
age
30-35,
*ureKadence
writes:Okay, well I'm a 17 year old male, going into my senior year next year. I've completely fallen for my best friend, who's an 18 year old girl who will be going off to college next fall.I've come to terms with the fact she doesn't love me the same way I love her. That's okay, I really do love her, so her being happy and in a good relationship is more important to me then her being with me. The problem I'm having, is dating in general now. I just can't seem to fall for girls anymore. Any girl I meet or get close to, I compare them to my best friend. I can't seem to find any girl nearly as adorable as her, as fun as her, as caring as her, and anyone I get along with as well as her.I can't stand the idea of settling. I want to find a girl who becomes my best friend, but loves me at the same time. Is this possible? I mean, how likely is it I will find someone I love like my best friend, and I'm able to be in a relationship with?
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (19 June 2009):
 I think that you could post up something like "I want friends first, and we will see where that leads," or if you are not doing this online, tell them in person. If they don't like this move on.
Also yall both can decide how long yall want to be friends before it turns romantic. I was only friends for like two weeks with my husband before he decided he felt a connection. However long it takes you to think you feel a connection.
A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (18 June 2009):
Why not try casual dates? Like lunches or going for coffee. These situations are less demanding romantically that an evening dinner date out at a fancy resturaunt. That way you dress casually and get to know the girl on more of a friend basis, while its still somewhat of a date. Then you can see how well you get along friendship wise but at the same time leaving the opportunity for romance available so it doesnt turn into a "friends only" situation, like with that other girl. And definately stay out of the bedroom for a while! That will rob you both of getting to know each other and just may end as a fling and nothing more.
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A
male
reader, PureKadence +, writes (18 June 2009):
PureKadence is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAh, hearing both of your advice helps more then I expected. This is my first time ever using anything like this site.
I really like the idea of being in a genuine and authentic situation. And I never really thought that if I find a girl like her, I'd be disappointed that it wasn't her. I guess it does make sense to not look for anything specific, so I can be surprised in new ways with people.
It just seems that most girls aren't looking for a friend. They want to skip right to the romance, and are more excited when they don't know a guy that well, but whenever I do that, I end up with someone who I realize I don't connect with as much as I thought.
I guess I'll try to not worry so much, and stay in as you called them genuine and authentic situations. Is there any chance as I get older, girls will be more likely to seek out guys as friends, and be content to wait for the romance until they find a real connection?
Or am I better off continuously pursuing romantic relationships, and breaking them off until I find a real connection and friendship within it?
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (17 June 2009):
People in the dating scene often put their "best foot forward." When you met your best friend it was genuine and authentic. In order to meet someone who could be like a best friend you must be in a genuine and authentic situation.
I put up an ad on a singles site wanting a friend to hang out with over the summer. A year later, I have a husband.
Granted, the internet is not always genuine and authentic, but find a social situation that is genuine and authentic and you may end up with someone who is like a best friend.
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A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (17 June 2009):
Honey, that's what everyone is looking for. Someone you spend the rest of your life with should be your best friend AND your lover and everything else in between. It's a tough search but if you stop comparing these girls to the other girl you will start finding qualities they have that she doesn't that you like even more. You can see them for who they really are as opposed to how much like your best friend they are. Even if you do find someone a lot like her, it's still not her and you will feel like you have an imitation and not love that girl the way you should. You really have to stop comparing everyone to her, people are diverse and have great qualities all of their own. Good luck to ya!
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