A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need to get some perspective on whether I am being unfair to my bf, please. We've been together 6 months now, and things are going great. He's told me he loves me, and I feel like I am falling for him. He's also told me I'm his 'rock'...but I'm not sure that's a good thing! At first, we spent time doing things together, going out, having fun, and we had great chemistry...couldn't resist each other physically, but now I feel like he's already starting to get complacent. He works shifts (has done throughout our relationship) and I appreciate this can be tiring BUT sometimes I feel a little used...like today, after work, he rang me to ask me to take him food shopping (he doesn't have a car right now). I picked him up from home, and he straight away started talking about work without looking at me/saying hello :( I drove him to the shop so he could buy food, took him home, helped him unpack, and then he was yawning and saying he felt tired. He asked me to do some work on his computer that he needed to hand in to his bosses the next day, so I did, and then I left him to sleep. He told me I was lovely and said he would like to cook dinner for us in a couple of days as a thank you. I want to be supportive and to help him out, but I can't help feeling a little used. He's done this kind of thing before a few times. I guess it's good that he feels he can rely on me, but I don't want him to think he can walk all over me, and am worried that I might make him less attracted to me if I am "too nice". On the other hand, I hope our relationship is going to continue, and I wonder if maybe I'm helping him, and at some point in the future, it may be the other way around and he will be that 'rock' for me...Anyway, when I left his house today, I actually felt a little angry, and haven't returned his text message (which said "thanks again.") I feel bad for feeling this way. Do you think I am being unreasonable? What would you do in my situation?For background: everything has gone great in the last 6 months, but this week I also found out he has a yeast infection...he hasn't caught it from me (I have no symptoms) and tells me hasn't slept with anyone else, but I guess this has made me reconsider my relationship with him a little, too. Nothing else has happened to make me doubt my trust in him, and I'd like to think he has not cheated (there's nothing to suggest he has), but I guess it left me thinking that I could be played for a fool by him.Thanks :)
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (17 March 2011):
To me, this doesn't look good. He should be able to be responsible for the own things in his life. As in, he should be able to take care of his own work, and household chores. You have only been dating for 6 months, you don't live together, you are not responsible for his chores and work and taking care of him. And he shouldn't be asking you to do these things.
On the other hand, of course in any relationship, it's wonderful if you can count on each other, and help each other. And it would be different if you were the one who realized he was running low on groceries and offered to go grocery shopping with him. But he's the one asking you to do these things. Really, since it's occurred before, and isn't a one time thing, you should nip it in the bud before he gets used to being able to slack off and leave things to you. If he wants to see you after work, there should be some plans to spend time together, not for you to help him with chores and do his work for him.
Talk to him about the fact that you want to spend quality time together. That you understand that he's tired, but he needs to get his act together and manage his own affairs. And if he really doesn't have the time and is too tired to even take care of himself, then you might have to rethink the relationship. Because a gf is not supposed to be a mother or slave.
As for the yeast infection, anyone can get them. Yeast naturally grow and are usually there in small amounts already. So lots of things can cause them to overgrow and cause the infection. It doesn't mean that he has cheated on you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): OP: thanks for your replies so far. He is affectionate all the time, not just when I've helped him out, but I think you are right that I need to step back...how do I do that politely and without him thinking badly of me? Thanks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): He should be making you dinners anyway....because he loves you. Not just as a reward for running around for him. Thats a big warning sign.
Think about what he does for you. Is it a lot? Does he put himself out for you and go the extra mile? Is he loving or just affectionate? Generally speaking if hes full of cuddles and thanks when you do him favours. But not so affectionate the rest of the time, then he is starting to take you for granted because you are making yourself too available. He will see as you being happy to do his bidding and soon thats all the relationship will be. So take a step back and evaluate the relationship, because you may need to make some swift adjustments to the way you respond to all of his requests.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): You should trust your gut, your inner most self will not lead you astray. If you are feeling used you probably are being used. The best thing to do is to establish certain boundaries within a relationship and you are entitled to a partner who will respect them. Its great to lend a helping hand and be a help-mate to your partner but where you are doing everything or things outside of your comfort zone you should really reconsider things.
As for the yeast infection, that's a huge red flag. You should get yourself checked out by a doctor. Your health should mean more to you than some guy who you already have doubts about.
Best wishes to you.
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