A
female
age
30-35,
*ittlemissshygirl
writes:I'm eighteen and I still haven't lost my virginity. I want to become sexually active but I freeze up whenever a potential opportunity arises, and just feel really nervous and uninterested. I always assume guys are just after one thing, and put up my defences before they can get any closer to me. I just feel really uncomfortable being close to people at all, there was a long period of time when I was a child where no one physically interacted with me at all, and I just got used to not having that so now it's very strange. I'm not sure if it's because I just have no idea what I'm doing, or whether I'm simply frigid (i hate that word) but how can I overcome this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): when i read this post, i couldnt believe how much it sounded like me! im 17, and up until recently, i was EXACTLY the same. there were nice guys i would start liking and who would like me, we'd meet up a few times and stuff, but then all of a sudden, i would back away and just become totally uninterested for no apparent reason! i began to wonder, is it because i am a virgin and frigid, nervous and all the rest, or is it my trust issues, is it something else? i couldnt work it out and it really got to me, because like you, i used to assume all guys were after just one thing, meaning i couldnt trust them or do anything sexually with them because i was scared thats all they wanted and then afterwards they'd do the off. also, i was (and still am) very self conscious and this was also a problem with sex stuff. but what i can tell you is this.. iv been like that foreverrrr. all my friends had done stuff and for me i was the one who never had, and all of a sudden i met this guy. everything changed! we still havent had sex but we've done some stuff, and its crazy because i really couldnt ever imagine myself with a partner because of how iv always backed off in the past before the word "relationship" even comes close. but with him it just feels right. i would say not to worry about wanting to lose your virginity because of your age, because honestly im not far off 18 and my boyfriend has slept with a few people, but he told me i should be proud to be a virgin, and i am! because iv never had a serious relationship before him, and im not the sort of person who sleeps around. and because of this, he has alot more respect for me and told me he is willing to wait, let me be in control of how slow or fast we take things. the word frigid isnt compltetly correct, i mean its more nerves than anything, so i see why frigid would be used but its a different sort of thing. like you said, you want to do this stuff. dont sleep with anyone or do anything you dont feel comfortable with all simply because you feel your too old to be a virgin or anything. sex really is something you should do with the right person, it will be of so much more importance and if you wait for this person, then they wont care whether youre a virgin or not! i know this post is a bit long but i really can completely relate to the things you've said.. and you have to know you are not the only one! so many people have been and still are and will be in your position. so just take things as they come, and enjoy life! good luck :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): I say bah to the other answers.
You my dear are 18 years old, to expect to find your life long mate on your first try is unrealistic. You are of legal age, ignore your peers for the moment, decide what things in your life that you enjoy , for example, if you like baseball join a softball league, the activity is not important , it's meeting new people. Find a guy or girl ( whatever you feel attracted to) that you enjoy the company of, and. Is more experienced than you and is willing to go at a pace you are comfortable with , then learn to enjoy each other. That is one of the mot fun things to do in the world.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (3 November 2009):
 In my opinion (as an older guy), you should look at this situation differently. Instead of wanting to lose your virginity and become "sexually active," please concentrate on finding a worthy partner who will respect you, and who may prove to be a man for a longtime relationship.
It may be difficult to find a young man with enough experience or understanding to comfort you, even if sincere, but some guys have it while most do not. You just need to find a real man with integrity, who may not be the best looking or as young, but who will be caring, loving and meaningful for you. Forget about the "hot" dudes and players; seek a realist.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): Try not thinking in terms of losing your virginity, at 18 you have not reached your expiration date, far from it.
The important thing in feeling comfortable enough to have sex is to have feelings for someone, to have developed friendship and trust and safety, and then it will happen if you want it too.
You should not be thinking of losing your virginity when an opportunity arises like when you are with a male who wants sex!
If you wait until you are in love then your fears will subside.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 November 2009):
You're not frigid. I think because nobody interracted with you when you were younger is making you scared and reluctant now. Take it nice and slow. Try hugging a few of your friends and just get used to interraction that way. You'll get better over time, but it will take time, so don't be afraid. Also, not all guys are after one thing, but some are. So when you meet a guy, really get to know him over time, then you'll feel more comfortbale around him, and you'll know what he's after too. Just take it slow, hug your friends and start there and when you're ready, start speaking to guys and see where it leads. Good luck
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