A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Kudos to those who actually read the whole thing. Any advice would be great, be as harsh as needed. I really would like to make an effort to change, and stop being an overbearing, insecure boyfriend...I feel like I may be overbearing and insecure. I frequently get upset when things don't go my way. Me and my girlfriend are seniors in college, and we live on campus roughly a 1 minute walk from each others apartments. Sometimes I don't feel like we see each other enough, and she feels the opposite. She counts getting breakfast, lunch or dinner together at the cafeteria, or coming over to escape her terrible roommates as hanging out. I sometimes feel like she uses me for my friends. I have things to do, other friends to hangout with, and we're both super busy with school. I get insecure when we don't see each other for a few days, and even more insecure when we only have sex 1-2 times a week. I feel like I put too much pressure on our relationship, and it is driving us apart. I want to be less overbearing, less insecure, and more easy going. It really annoys me when she is on campus and I haven't seen her for 4 days because her grandma's in town, it's rush week, and she is sick. I shouldn't be mad at that, but I still got upset when she didn't even think to stop by for a minute and say "HI" We've been together almost two years, but I am not sure what will happen after college. She wants to stay close to home, and I will probably have to move for graduate school. I think the looming fact that we will probably break-up then is what makes me the most upset. The slight chance that things will work out are what keep us together.Don't get me wrong, we love one another very deeply, but I feel like I am pushing us a part. How can I be less of a jackass, and more easy going. I have no problems with anyone else, I am easy going and have plenty of friends. I can always find something to do, or entertain myself, but she is always running through my mind. Consequently it leads to me over analyzing everything. I know I just need to occupy myself, but I don't know how. I want to give her space, and try and rekindle everything. I want things to work out. If you endured through and read everything I truly appreciate it. Any advice would be great..
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female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (24 September 2012):
Why do you feel like she needs to be the one pursuing you to spend time together?
If she is on your mind, why can't you stop by and say hello and meet her grandmother? Why can't you send a text saying you are thinking of her? Why can't you bring her some food or medicine to help her feel better while she is recovering from being sick? (i'm assuming this is the upper respiratory cold type thing that most people tend to catch within the first month back at college.)
I think you both need to discuss whether you see this relationship ending after senior year, or whether you both love one another so much that you will both be willing to devote the time and energy necessary to maintaining a long distance relationship.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 September 2012):
 No one can truly enjoy a relationship when they anticipate an ending. You are already preparing for the break up by being possessive. When you know that she will stick by you no matter what you won't act this way. Has there been a talk about long distance relationship? No matter what she says, for your peace of mind, you have to learn to accept whatever outcome. If she agrees with a long distance relationship, then you both take a risk and firmly stay together with regular contact. She has to promise to keep in touch with whatever media to keep you satisfied, at least once a day. If she decides to cheat, or to leave, or to string you along, then she will, there is nothing you can do about it and worrying won't change a thing. Don't be hard on yourself. The things you are feeling are very normal. The only thing you can do is realize you have no control over another persons thoughts and actions. If your girlfriend does not understand why you are feeling this way she does not care about her as much as you care about her.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 September 2012):
 The real crux of your submittal is this: "Consequently it leads to me over analyzing everything. I know I just need to occupy myself, but I don't know how."
Consider: Studying more, taking a part-time job, volunteering somewhere on or off-campus... taking up some new hobby or interest - like a sport (great because it will cause you to BOTH focus AND expend real energy)....
You are smart to realize that your behaviour can scuttle an otherwise just-fine relationship....
Good luck....
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