A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:After a night out, I realized some things about my future with women. We went out for a close friends birthday and had dinner with 20+ friends. Then we went to a club/bar in the city where much of our med school was there. I had fun dancing with my friends/making jokes etc. I wanted to introduce myself to one of the girls who was at the party with us, maybe get her number. When I finally found her, she and her friends were tending to her friend who was drunk/vomiting. I got him water(I knew him previously) and made sure he was ok, then introduced myself to her. The rest of the night nothing occurred.At the train station I was holding my friends pizza for her and one of her friends said "Why are you holding her pizza? Are you her gay best friend?" I have nothing against anyone gay. I have gay friends who are great people. I was just insulted that my lack in ability to get with women made her think I'm gay. I know I'm not a woman's first choice when she looks at me. I'm shorter, have almost no experience with women, and dont have the charm that so many players I know have.I want to be at a place where women would be in abundance, I have someone to date and if not there are options to date. I've been working for years at this and cant find a solution. How much self improvement, social skill practice, attempts does it take to get good?
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (13 February 2019):
 “Andie’s wrong this time” - no, you just have a different opinion :) Nice guys are what most women want, but that isn’t what people consider “Nice Guys finish last”. Being a “Nice Guy” has been changed by people who believe you have to be borderline rude/pushy to get dates, just like people who don’t like “Feminism” have altered the definition for themselves, based on a few bad apples.Be nice. Who wants a mean/rude/pushy boyfriend/husband? Not many people. That said, being a genuinely nice guy doesn’t mean hiding in the shadows; you still have to be bold and confident (or fake it) and ask women out. So many women date their male friends because they see the connection first and know the guy is a good one - but “Friend Zone” has also been used to put guys off being friends with women or being nice guys.Stay as you are in terms of being friendly and helpful/kind, but also boost your attempts of asking people out because we all get turned down and most people don’t find any remotely long-term dates if they almost never build the courage to ask enough men/women out.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 February 2019):
 "Why are you holding her pizza? Are you her gay best friend?" I have nothing against anyone gay. I have gay friends who are great people. I was just insulted that my lack in ability to get with women made her think I'm gay.
You know, sometimes there are things missed in translation, and when it comes to how women and men communicate, I think you often miss out on the entire point. In this case you've translated what the woman said as if she was a drunk dude who said it.
When a WOMAN says something like this woman did, it's because she is jealous and would like you to give that attention to HER. Yes. It is. I think you had 100% chance of going home With that woman, but instead to chose to be offended. Instead you should have just said: "Nice girls deserve nice treatment. Are you a nice girl?"
No one thinks anyone is gay for holding a pizza. Come on. We all know what gay is, it's someone sexually atracted to a person of the same sex. Not attracted to pizza. So OF COURSE she didn't actually think you were gay, unless she was extremely stupid.
"I know I'm not a woman's first choice when she looks at me. I'm shorter, have almost no experience with women, and dont have the charm that so many players I know have.
First off, Your Level of experience is not written on Your forehead. No one can know this. Second, you dont have to be the tallest guy out there, but you will have a good shot at a woman shorter than you. However dont dismiss taller women, many taller women dont care. As for Your charm... well, if you yourself say you arent a charming person, then maybe you should work on that. Nothing you are permanently stuck as anyway, as long as you put in some work you will improve. By the way holding Your friends pizza and helping a drunk friend With water is charming. So I think you're wrong in saying you dont have charm.
But I think you're digging your own grave and only seeing things negatively. Like with the pizza at the Train station. Any situation always has several perspectives, remember that.
"I've been working for years at this and cant find a solution. How much self improvement, social skill practice, attempts does it take to get good?"
It's a numbers game. You just have to ask out enough women, eventually someone will say yes. 90% will say no. So you dont "get better", you just need to ASK MORE. If you're Prince Charming, maybe the percentage will improve a bit. But even not the most amazing man on earth will be to the taste of every woman out there, and not every woman out there is to Your taste either. So in the end, it comes down to just asking as many as possible, unless you hit your lucky number straight on.
It's not at all a matter of being hot or charming or successful etc. It's all about finding that one person who you like, and who happens to fancy you back. And to get there you need to ask A LOT of people out on dates. Honestly I think its a stupid plan to have "women in abundance". Its not actually what you want. Let me ask you, dont you have any standards? Don't you have any age limits, any preferred body type, personality type etc that you like? You do, dont even try saying you don't. There are plenty of women out there who you dont even consider asking out because you dont like them. Sure there are. And those woman might actually already be in abundance for you, so saying you just want "women" in general isn't true. You dont. If any woman would do, then I am sure you will find several 60 year old women who would love themselves a Young guy like yourself. But you dont want them, do you?
Just be honest with yourself and your own standards here. And then once you can be more PRECICE about what you want (not "abundance of women), it will be far easier to achieve it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2019): It's always been my own experience that finding romance is hit or miss. There is no formula or one-size-fits-all procedure that will hook you up with women. If you put yourself down as you did about your looks; you're projecting insecurity. You can have a lot of experience; but it won't guarantee you will find love or a relationship right-away. You just keep trying.
You were at a party among people drinking and getting drunk. So some random female made a wise-crack. So what? You know you're not gay; and sometimes drunk makes stupid. You took it personally, it was no reflection on your manhood. She didn't even know you, and she was running-off at the mouth. You could have had a witty comeback like: "why, are you looking for one?" Laugh or shrug it off.
If you had fun with "friends;" just approach women to connect on a human-level as you do to make friends. Let nature take its course.
Social-awkwardness comes from shyness, lack of confidence, and a deficiency in practice at interacting with people. You have a lady-friend; and that's an indication you can attract women on at least a platonic-level. You just try to relax and hone-in on women who seem receptive to your gaze. Smile when you make eye-contact; walkover and try to start a conversation.
You somehow found that lady-friend you were holding the pizza for. How'd that happen?
It's just a matter of time before you connect with someone who gets your vibe. As long as you don't choke and stand around sweaty and speechless. You just keep trying until you achieve success. Push yourself beyond your comfort-zone and man-up to snarky intoxicated-females. She was probably irritated; because you had a chance to introduce yourself and chat. Instead you stood around like a coat rack.
Eventually you will cross-paths with a lady who will be too irresistible not to talk to. She'll be glad you took a shot at taking a chance to connect. The chemistry goes from there. You keep trying, even if you get shot-down. Everyone gets shot-down. You better learn to work with what you've got.
You're looking for a pre-mixed formula; but you have to keep experimenting until you find the right chemistry that works for you.
You're going to be a doctor? Oh buddy, it's just a matter of time before you won't be able to fight them off. Don't be afraid to ask your friends to fix you up. Just so you can get in some practice.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (13 February 2019):
 No More Mr. Nice guy by Robert Glover. Andie's wrong this time.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (12 February 2019):
Honestly, you seem like a decent guy, so just keep at it and maybe take that step to ask someone out next time. That person’s comment about “gay best friend” is just stupidity on her part and nothing to do with your behaviour or ability to date girls :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2019): There’s no easy formula to finding a good partner. If there were, then love would lose all meaning. I think different people will have different experiences but I found online dating to be helpful. I used bumble and tinder. I think it works better if you live in a city where there are many people. It took me a little practice before I could have meaningful interactions with people. My social skills definitely improved as I forced myself into encounters with random strangers. After about 4 months and a few mediocre first dates I met someone that I clicked with and we’ve been dating for a few months now. Your mileage may vary. I found the best results came when I chatted online for a week or two before meeting in person. Many men are dogs so if you’re polite and respectful, then you’ve got 90% of guys on tinder beat.Be patient, look for someone you genuinely get along with. Don’t let rejections get you down.
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