A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i'm quite a shy person, but when i'm with a group of people that i know well i come out of my shell. i really want to have this talkative, fun personality with whoever i'm with, because if i'm in a group of people where i don;t know so many of them well, i sort of freeze up and either rely on talking to the few people i do know, or just kind of come across as awkward and as though i'm having the worst time ever.. i hate it, but i just dont know how to enter into a group of mere acquaintances and talk to them as if i've known them forever! anyway, my sports team is having a night out soon, i'm good friends with a couple and am seeing one of the guys, but everyone else i generally find it hard to be chatty and open around, and because i've been going to the club for a while this shyness has just become a well known thing about me! but i've decided, i don't WANT to be known as just the shy girl, otherwise no one will ever talk to me! i don't like it aswell because i know my friends and the guy i'm seeing just want to have a good time too, but they must feel lumbered with me because i'm being so uptight and shy and quiet! so what im asking, i suppose, is how can i just relax and have fun and talk to people without feeling awkward or stupid or embarrassed or self conscious? (without drinking!.. i mean obviously drink will help but id rather be able to do it without!) any tips? i really just want to show people that i AM fun and friendly, it just takes time to get me out of my shell! please help, i'm getting sick of ending standing alone in a room because no one feels that im approachable!
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (9 March 2011):
 You have to start approaching people. Just walk up and say hello. With the example of the sports team, you can talk about your most recent practice, or game, or even the weather. Usually once a conversation starts, it sort of keeps flowing. It WILL feel awkward at first, but soon you'll find that it's getting easier and easier.The biggest thing to remember is that it really doesn't matter that much in the grand scheme of things. I've often watched my brother as he approaches people and just strikes up a conversation. I always wondered how he did it. I asked him one day, because like you, I tend to be shy around people I don't know. What he does is just walks up and starts talking. It doesn't matter what he's talking about, but he just talks to them. He also asks a lot of questions, open ended questions. Once you get them talking, it engages them in the conversation. Lastly, practice. Finding good questions is just a matter of practice. Also keep in mind that some people are just snooty and won't be approachable to anyone, so it's best to cut your losses when you run into one of them.
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