A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriends mum has recently found out that her daughter is dating me and she will not accept it as she is worried that the rest of her family will frown upon it. They are a Muslim family and they will not accept me, a White British male, even though they have never met me. Is there anything I can do to help them accept me? and is there any way that I could be accepted by the family?
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female
reader, FairAndTrueLove +, writes (21 February 2013):
Hi! I'm a Muslim girl and my husband is a British White Male. I come from an unorthodox Muslim family. We believe in the religion but we are not extremists! In fact, I don't cover my head or believe in nonsense what Islamic propaganda extremists say. I'm proud of being born a Muslim and I read and understand the Holy Qu'ran in my own way. When my husband and I got married, I never 'forced' him to circumcise, I don't even care about that. There have been issues from my extended family but we are not on talking terms with them. Most of those who condemned me for marrying a non-Muslim have been suffering because the decisions they thought were right have back-fired. In fact, I have a distant cousin who sacrificed everything for her husband but he remarried saying that it was 'legal' in Islam to do so. He doesn't even bother about her and it breaks my heart that this is not just one incident but several incidents where people use religion to benefit themselves. I would say those quiet practising Muslims (who don't go around converting people) are the best examples. I would consider myself as an example. I fell in love, dated my husband for five years and then decided to marry. It's true I valued my virginity and I lost it to him but I consider him a better husband as a non-Muslim than the cheating and vicious so-called 'proper' Muslim men who dupe their Muslim wives. It is unfortunate that the African tribes say that Muslim women need to have female genital mutilation (called female circumcision) when it's the Muslim men who need to be careful who they have sex with. There is plenty of homosexuality among Muslim men which put me off them completely.I know my advice is not going to please the so-called 'fundamentalists' who have replied to your post before me and I know I might be a 'bad' Muslim just like everyone tells but I'm fair and true and I'm happy after I got married. I've been lucky to have such loving and open-minded parents.My advice is if you can't make your girlfriend's parents happy, just run away and elope, what do they care?If you love her and she loves you, just live life as it is, one day her parents will accept you, whether you convert or not!All the best!
A
female
reader, LoveGirl  +, writes (11 April 2010):
to be more acceptable please try the following:be courteousrespectfulNO PROKeat only halaal foods (your gf should advise you)start reading the Koran - english versions are available (you don't say whether you will convert to Islam)circumsized (?) - all Muslim men are circumcisedIslam is indeed a beautiful religion, the culture, the people are as well. do not mistake the few so called "fanatics" as the norm. I have many close Moslem friends. I try to understand the culture as much as possible and like any you will get the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. As in any culture/religion, a parent would want to see that a prospective partner of their child loves their child. Respect their child and is willing to learn the different cultures.Are you really serious in having a committed relations with this girl. do you see her as your wife in future. Please find out what "sect' her family belongs to - i think there are Sunni's, Memons, Thabliques (sorry wrong spelling). Pre marital sex- discuss this with the gf, she needs to explain her familys acceptance - meaning some families are not as strict and it is "noted/although frowned upon" that bf/gf relations are sexual. Ultimately you need to also be faithful to this girl. I wish you luck, if you really love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her then go for it. What about your family. Will they accept her and treat her as an equal. If two people love each other, let no man hinder this partnership........
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2010): if u meet ur girlfriend's family try to respect some of their habbits like not drinking or not talking about sex or not kissing her if u were with her family and try to be there if they needed some help and i hope they will accept u as one of them
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2010): i think u should try to be friendly with her family if u meet them u should try to respect some of their habbits like not drinking not kissing ur girlfriend not talking a lot about sex stuff like this and try to be there if her family needed some help be patient and i hope everything will be fine
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A
female
reader, naughty girl +, writes (1 April 2010):
Mywhite uncle married a muslim girl. He had to convert to Islam and give her family who live abroad money inorder to marry her. They seem very happy together and have 3 children now. They don't appear to be overly relious-eg kids still get xmas pressents etc. None of her family live in this country so maybe that plays a big part, because I'm sure they are not typical.
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A
male
reader, twinlab99  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 Yeah dude, I'm a muslim, and you're in a tough spot....just move on...it will be hell!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): Quick reply to the last comment ..
Taking up a religion is not like going to the symphony because your girl likes chamber music, and if it doesn't work out, then dump her and stop going to the symphony because you just love football ...
You will need to grapple with two kind of commitment issues all your life if you adopt Islam - your commitment to the religion and your commitment to the woman you loved and which required you to commit to Islam .. If either of them fail later on, you might find yourself in an awkward situation.
Accept Islam into your life only if you are confident that it is the right spiritual path for you. If you do it just for her sake, and in future the two of you break up, you will find everything very awkward.
Of course, there is nothing preventing you from coming up with creative solutions, like for example, both of you changing denominations and becoming Catholic for example. Or the two of you move to America. The two of you could also just go ahead with your relationship, irrespective of her family's acceptance, but it won't be long before they excommunicate her or worse, one of her parents has a heart attack, because they take these things more seriously than life itself. And finally, just talk it over with her and break up with her. It will make things easier later on.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 March 2010):
 If you want to be accepted by them you will need to embrace Islam as your religion.It is not difficult to embrace Islam .
Once you are a Muslim , the road is clear for you to date her. If you find that you are not compatible with her or want to break off, you can get out of Islam if you wish.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): Sorry, you will need to accept Islam if you have to consider marrying her, and continue be accepted by her family. Dating is of course, not allowed between Muslim girls and non-Muslims.. It's even frowned upon among Muslims..
And even if you do convert to Islam, they would consider you only half a Muslim. Because by nature, Anglo-Saxons are too free-spirited to submit themselves to the will of God.. by which of course, most Pakistanis (and Indian Muslims) take as living the "Islamic" lifestyle, wearing Islamic clothes, having an Arab name... the works... I suppose they are Pakistani born. There's a really good Pakistani movie on this theme. It doesn't work out in the end of course.
Based on the movie, I can tell you one thing, don't let her travel out of Britain. When (and if) she returns, they might have forcibly married her off..
Islam is a beautiful religion. I consider it better than most others. But practicing Muslims over the last 1400 years have distorted it beyond recognition. My comments are not against Islam, which I personally revere, but against the narrow-mindedness of generations of Muslims, including today's.
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A
female
reader, Tasmanian devil +, writes (21 March 2010):
 As a muslim, i can say highly doubt they will, mainly because of what other people might say. My grandmother was a white convert, but my mother thinks me acknowledging im quarter english is me acting christian, you have to think about it from a culture aspect to, she probably thinks her daughter will end up pregnant or something, as the girls mother shes probably putting a lot of negative stereotyping onto you and from a religous aspect theres kind of meant to be no dating. The best thing to do is show her your a good influence, and maybe keep your distance she'll tell her thoughts to her daughter/your gf, and keep the relationship on the downlow if any of the neighbours/relatives found out it will be really bad because everyone will look down on them because their daughter is dating (and seriously dampen your chances) let alone a non muslim or are you because you don't mention and that changes a lot of things if you are
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (21 March 2010):
Time and commitment. Do not rush this, as it takes alot of time?
Any parents do not always take kindly to any b/f irrespective of religious or social backgrounds?
Stay cool!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): I will answer you as I am a Muslim girl myself. In Islam, dating isn't really looked favorably upon. Having said that, I know it's hard in this day and age, especially in a Western country, to follow that. If marriage is the ultimate goal between the two people dating, then others will probably be more willing to accept it. Now about your situation, Muslim girls cannot marry non-Muslim men. However, a Muslim man can marry a non-Muslim woman. This fact could be one reason why the girl's family does not accept you. You have to understand that it's not only a religious issue, it could also be a cultural one (e.g. her parents will only accept someone from their culture).
Your question is what you can do so they accept you. It will be hard, but it ultimately depends on that particular family. To start with, you can show them that you respect their religion and are willing to learn more about it. Secondly, show them that you are serious about her (your girlfriend). Thirdly, do whatever else a guy does to impress his girlfriend's family regardless of what their religion is. Fourthly, depending on the degree of Islam your girlfriend's family follow (some Muslims do not follow all tenets of Islam; they are as diverse in their way of belief as Christians, Jews, etc. are, you will have to convert if you wish to get married to her.
If you have more questions, I will be looking forward to any followups you write.
I wish you good luck!
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