A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was raped by my friends uncle when I slept over at her house when we were 13 (about two years ago). He was visiting from out of town, and he raped me while I was in bed (my friend slept in a separate bedroom because her parents didn't want us up giggling all night). He left the next day, I never had to see him again and I never told anybody, I threw away my underwear which had lots of blood on it, hid the bruises that I got until they went away, and no one ever knew, not even my parents or my friend who I slept over with. I have been a bit of a different person since that day, I have not really spoken to any boys or anything and I find that I get very nervous if a man looks at me or if a man tries to talk to me, even if he is a teacher, or even if he is a relative of mine. The only guys who don't make me nervous are my dad and my two brothers, but my brothers friends make me very nervous. They are older than me and sometimes they sleep over for the night. I never sleep if other men are in the house. I lay up at night and watch the door, I even keep a knife inside one of my stuffed animals. I feel like I'm going crazy from all these paranoid feelings I have. But now there is this boy at school who has started telling people he likes me and wants to ask me out, he hasn't actually asked me out, but supposedly he tells everyone how pretty he thinks I am. He is cute as well but I've never talked to him or anything, but I think maybe I would like to. My problem is that I don't know how... and what if he asked me out? I have no idea what to do. I don't know if I would be comfortable being alone with him and also I don't know what I would do if he wanted to have sex, I don't think I ever want to have sex again. But I do want to be able to date boys, my friends all have boyfriends and they tease me for not even having male friends or anything. I feel as if I am falling behind. I don't want to be a little girl forever.Any tips?I would especially like advice from girls who were raped like me and how they managed to learn to interact with boys after that. I hate feeling so paranoid as I'm sure not all of them want to rape me, but I am definitely afraid that they might anyway even though it seems illogical. I'm sorry I don't mean to sound like I hate boys.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): I kno what u mean my dad did the same thing to me when i was living with him and it was just last year and it was hard for me and it still is hard i didnt tell anyone but my counsilor but i made it as if sumone did kno n i just needed help getting over it but talkn to her helps me alot....maybe thats all u need is to have sumone to talk to hun. xoxo best of luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): Hi. I went through the same kind of situation, when I was 12.
Like you, I hid what happened and kept it all to myself. Nowadays I wonder why I did it... maybe shame, maybe fear of rejection by my family, maybe fear that they wouldn't believe me?
If I could turn back time, I'd tell my family as soon as it happened. -- My advice is that you do the same. Right now you carry a very heavy emotional load inside of you, that can only be released once you talk about it. Sit down and talk to your mom, tell her everything.
What happened to me? Like you, I became scared of males. If any boy tried to get close to me, I'd avoid him like the plague. If he touched me, I'd have a panic attack.
3 years after my incident I tried to kiss a boy I liked... and the moment I touched him, I panicked. I ran away from him and threw up.
Now I'm 20 years old. It's been 8 years since then. A short time ago I finally had my first boyfriend, and I didn't panic when he touched me (though I was still nervous).
I suffered in silence, so much. The event scarred me for life. Please talk to your family about it, only then you'll be free and maybe be able to go on with your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): i have never been raped but i am 13 and going through a lot and i think that even though you might not want to you should probably tell your parents or if you don't want to tell them it's okay but i think if you told somebody close to you that you think would understand. i think that would help with you of getting over this fear but another thing you could do is be very causious with if you liked him and wanted to go out with him!!
good luck!
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A
female
reader, aunty jess  +, writes (15 February 2009):
 hi, i have not had the experiences you have had in this context, but i study psychology and i think that in order for you to get over the traumatic event you have experienced and to begin to trust boys and men you may need to consider some counselling. its nothing scary you just talk through your feelings and experiences with someone who can help you and help to build up your self-esteem and to show you that most men are not so cruel as to do something like that.
i know this is perhpas not something you would like to consider as you probably dont want your parents knowing, but maybe in this situation the best thing is to tell your parents, or to talk to someone at a youth centre, to get these feelings of nervousness off your chest. What your friends uncle did was illegal and he violated you in a way that as a woman makes me so angry. Have you considered taking him to court and perhaps sending him to jail for a time, so that he will not be able to do to other young girls what he has done to you?
message me if you would just like to talk about it
i hope everything gos ok for you, and just remember this is only advice and you do not have to feel inclined in any way to take up any actions i have suggested
love jess
xx
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