A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so heres the story, my girlfriend broke up with me about 10 days ago, because our relationship just faded and we started arguing and becoming short with eachother. The spark was long gone by the end. We tried to get through it for a month, but she said it felt very pressured and in the end, she just didnt want it anymore, the hassle, the pressure. She said she just wanted to be on her own and concentrate on herself for a while. Although we had alot of fun and laughter in the month we tried, seemed like good friends alot of the time...So I accepted it, said my piece about I hoped we could've got through it and been good again. She said she didnt think we could, as we'd had too many bad patches to be good again. Although we never cheated on eachother, it was just being awkward etc with eachother and frustrated with eachother, short tempered and that, mainly on my part. After a week of no contact, she messaged me, just general chat about stuff. I asked her if she thinks she made the right choice, to which she answered "at the moment, yeah. why, dont u?". I said that it wasnt my decision and that i thought we could be ok, to which she said she didnt feel we could of.I then said it wasnt easy dealing with all this, and still have general chats with her is only going to make it harder. She took that pretty bad and ended the conversation, I explained that I didnt mean it in a horrible way, just that I was missing her. She seems to be telling people thats shes good, and that it was for the best. Doesnt seem to be bothered that much, she never was very open with her emotions, I felt she even lied to herself about them at times, pretending she was fine.So heres the question, I want to ask her to go out for a meal, or a drink, or something. Do you think that's wise or should I just move on and forget it? Is there any chance for us after the spark dying for so long?thanks
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female
reader, Trisha1975  +, writes (5 March 2008):
Well...this could go two different ways...If you two go out as friends with no pressure than that might be allright, but can you do that? This kinda stuff is hard because it depends on how adament she is about this being the right thing, she might want you to show her more the love you feel for her and how much you miss her, then again she might get angry and stop talking to you all together if you pressure her. You only know that answer, I would just lean back and scope it out for a while, but dont lose contact, see where it takes you...maybe just ask her out as friends ...like I said make sure you can do it just as friends first before you do it.
A
female
reader, Jmo +, writes (5 March 2008):
 I think asking her out for a drink or something would be perfectly fine as long as you can assure her (and yourself) that it's not a desperate attempt to rekindle the relationship or scam a booty call. If she accepts, try your best to avoid any talk about the relationship and how it went south. I don't know how long you've known each other but if you've experienced "alot of fun and laughter" together, than it seems like there is a potential for a good friendship. She may be more upset about the breakup than she's letting on and it might take a little time (read: give her a little space) before you two can feel comfort with out animosity, but let me just say that my ex of 3 years in a tumultuous relationship turned out to be one of my closest friends after all was said and done. I wish the best for the both of you. And remember an ex can be a really good friend because they already know all the things they hate about you (and vice versa) but instead of arguing about it, you guys can laugh about it. That's kinda cool.-Jmo
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