A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in colledge and have been dating a guy for a year now, our life was great besides a break in the middle, in which he got cnfused and left me, he says he is a coward and runs away, and suggests that he may be a little scared of commitment or 'geting in too deep'. Our situation is really awful at the moment, as we argued, and athough we carried on seeing eachother around, we remained 'on a break'. Only one night after we went 'on a break' so to speak, he jumped into bd with his ex. I think I would mention that we both lost our virginity together around 10 months ago. He says he can no longer trust himself, and he seems to have gone into a spirall of dispair, he keeps doubting that he has ever been happy, and being negative. He always starves himself when he is stressed, and I am worried about him. I hate him so much for what he has done, but I want to be there for him, he needs someone to talk to, as do I. I need him there still and I am so confused that I feel lost. Since we got together, I have had problems at colledge, and so my social life has revolved around him and his friends. Losing him means I lose my best friend (him) and seriously jeporadise my relationship with my friends. I want none of this to happen, but last night he finally admitted sleeping with his ex, and split up with me. I am just so confused I deperately need some advice. Plase help me.
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a break, best friend, his ex, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Men are programmed (wired) to constantly seek variety in sexual partners, to spread our seed, so to speak. Society is designed to repress that innate urge that we cannot deny or always resist, by structuring such institutions as marriage, steady relationships, morality, fidelity, etc. Today, the potential for sexually transmitted disease adds incentive for some men to curtail sexual exploration. However, I suspect that some women also are programmed to seek variety in sexual partners, though I think that most women would really prefer monogamy and security in a solid relationship if the man is willing and skillful enough to satisfy her needs, both sexual and nurturing (as in a home life and family, perhaps).
Men and women therefore struggle with these differences in needs and desires. You can't resist wanting him to love and nurture you, while he apparently can't resist seeking pleasures elsewhere. In my opinion, a man can settle down and eventually be content with one woman if she willingly satisfies all his desires, though he may often cast a glance elsewhere (and some may yield to opportunity).
With little doubt, your boyfriend has the opportunity and cannot resist - he is not ready or willing to settle. That is probably the situation, but you are certainly not alone if any consolation. Hint: Older available men are usually more prone to stick with one good woman.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): I know it's hard but you deserve better then that in life cut him loose, if you don't your just sending him signals that you'll tolerate whatever he does be it right or not, try boosting your social life by doing extra activities at college and start mixing with different people,build up your confidence and self-esteem too, using him as a comfort zone is't the answer,let his friends be there for him, and honey if you were his best friend too he'd of treated you better and kept it in his pants, plus he wouldn't of told you about his ex and then broke up with you, if he loved you he would of begged to start over with a clean slate, unless it was his ticket out of your relationship good luck!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 If you think a world of him and cannot live without him , then you need to forgive his mistake .
If you cannot forgive him , then it is best that you get out from his world and rebuild your life again.
You think he is incapable of doing things and this brings out your woman's instincts to nurture him.
You hate it but because he is your b/f and you cannot simply walk away from him.
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