A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was just wondering if there is a way to ask my girlfriend about a guy she recently added on facebook without coming across as clingy? I don't normally ask about guys but this one is kind of fishy...is there a way to go about this? I hate coming across as clingy and seem to do it a lot...and I trust her 100 percent it is just that I want to know about the guy, because I don't trust other guys...So if you could help that would be fantastic!
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (28 January 2011):
Hi there. It is probably more a case of trusting her and that she will do the right thing.
As long as she has always been one to be trustworthy and her general behaviour hasn't changed, then there generally shouldn't be anything to worry about.
This new friend on her facebook page, could be purely innocent. It might be a guy who read her page and liked what she said, so added her as a friend (or whatever they do on Facebook). Then she added him as well.
Facebook is a public site and you can read others' comments, so when you went in there, you saw this new guy's name. It's not like you were spying, I guess.
It sounds good what "FloridaCatGirl" said, and it isn't sounding needy in any way. You can keep it light and friendly and don't get upset or angry. Stay calm.
It's better you do say this, rather than saying nothing but stewing it over and over in your mind. That's unhealthy.
Best to get it out in the open.
How your girlfriend answers the question, you will get a pretty accurate idea of whether there is anything to be worried about. If she seems like she doesn't want to talk about it, or she says so much then stops, then there could be cause for concern. But otherwise if she stays calm and seems matter-of-fact about it and is calm and not uptight, then you can pretty much say there is nothing too much of a problem there.
So the bottom line is, trust her completely, unless she gives you any reason not to.
If there was anything going on there, there would definitely be signs. Change in her usual behaviour, secretiveness, hiding her mobile phone, going out more often than usual, staying late after work (if that is not the usual thing for her) - just so many telltale signs of something to be suspicious of. They are usually pretty easy to pinpoint.
But generally speaking, in the absence of any of these things, you can feel fairly sure there is nothing going on.
Just over the next few weeks and months, watch for any of those things happening and you will see by careful observation, whether anything is going on between her and him.
The key is to quietly observe her actions, but say nothing.
Good luck and best wishes.
A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (28 January 2011):
 In a nonchalant and non-accusatory tone, say something like, "Whose your new friend on facebook?" You could add something like, "He looks so familiar... how do you know this guy?" or instead you could say, "He looks so much like this guy John I grew up with... how do you know him?"
I hope this helps! Let us know what happens. Good luck!
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