A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I had a very difficult engagement. It was short, I lived on other side of state for 3 months for college, then moved to where he lives and my home town and started college so we didn't see much of each other during our engagement. Now we're married for 5 months now and I want to tell him I want to bring in D/s aspects and light bondage to our personal lives. He is inexperienced aside from me. But These aspects are important to me. He's never done any of this. How should I bring up these subjects with him so I don't scare him away so to speak. And I don't want to offend him. I really want a different private life then what we have but I'm lost as to how to ask to change it. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013): If you want him to he dominant then the next time he is in the mood just start acting a bit submissively (don't go overboard). If he's already aroused that could turn him on and then you've successfully set a precedent and from then on you can gradually do it more so he grows into the dominant role bit by bit. And whenever he does anything remotely dominant give him lots of positive reinforcement in the way that matters to him whether verbally or more with actions.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want him to be dominant. He knows my ex boyfriend was D/s In most ways and I'd like him to be a Dom too. I really enjoyed the D/s aspect of my past but hate my ex for what he did.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 January 2013):
This may have been something you should have brought up before marriage...
Anyways, I think it depends on who's going to be the dominant one. If it's him then you can try just talking dirty while having sex, tell him to do something that would be a baby step and see how he reacts.
If you want to be the dominant one then start bossing him around a little bit and see how he reacts.
I wouldn't recommend having a conversation at this point, it might be too much for him to hear all at once.
Does he have know you were kinky before you met or does he think you were innocent?
Even if he isn't judgemental he may not be interested. If that's the case you will have to really take things slow so that you can break down his mental barrier to it.
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