A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've never felt like this before and I don't know what to do. I am living with my partner. We have 2 children (one of 3 years and one of 9 weeks).When I was pregnant I discovered some premium rate phone calls on the phone bill. They were to the babe channels on Sky and, following my confrontation. he admitted to them. He said he doesn't call to speak to the women he just calls to listen in. A little sleezy in my opinion, but each to their own. I found it hurtful at the time, as I had never had experience like this, but I managed to talk myself round.Then, towards the very end of my pregnancy I discovered him sending naughty messages to a young girl (19) who he works with. I confronted him and really went mad about it and he promised he'd not do it again. I found out later that, in finishing the thread, he'd flirted a little more. Not only did I feel betrayed, but I felt like he was laughing behind my back.Then one night I got up to go to the loo to find him masturbating watching those channels again.He watches porn regularly, looks for naughty pics of particular women on the internet, and can't stop watching those channels. He has recently confessed to making more phone calls - since I have given birth to my daughter (while we weren't having sex).All of this aside, he is a loving caring kind and considerate man. He is perfect in every way I could ask but I just can't get my head around this. The messaging to the girl - WRONG full stop. The porn and the babe channels - normal?? It seems, from what I read, that it is. I'm even reading psychology books understanding why men do these things. I understand the books, I understand it's not unusual .... but I CAN'T STOP MY FEELINGS. It makes me jealous and insecure. Every time I am not with him I think he is looking at other women (and it seems that I am right) and it hurts me. Hoe do i get my head around this??Please help, we love each other so much I just want to be able to accept this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (28 July 2009):
 The answer is simple. DO NOT accept his behaviour. If you feel threatened and insecure about the thought of him watching Babestation, or Red Hot Wives or whatever, and masturbating over those women, then he has crossed your personal boundary line. Tell him to stop. If he loves you, he will realise that he is hurting you, and stop doing so. This is not really 'normal' behaviour if one partner is doing anything to hurt another. But men do seem to think that they should be allowed to get away with watching porn, don't they. You are right, you can't stop your feelings, so don't try to.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHiya,
Thanks for taking the time to reply to my post. I understand where you are coming from and I would probably say the same thing as an outsider. I have already been divorced once (from a gambler and an alcoholic) and I experience on a week by week basis how difficult it is bringing up children in a broken relationship. I will do anything to prevent hurting my babies again. My eldest has already been through one break up. She loves my partner to pieces and I don't want her to lose that. I appreciate that the majority of people would suggest that children are better off if parents are happy, even if this means them not being together, but I feel like I want to work this out. I'm not prepared to give up so easily this time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): Perhaps I could get over the phone calls and the porn but the dirty mail to the 19 year old girl he works with would be the end for me.You don't trust him with good reason. Would be better to be alone then with a guy like that. Imagine relationship with respect and trust....... Remember life is short create the best for yourself and children!!
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