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female
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anonymous
writes: I've met a really lovely man from an internet dating site, Ive met him 5 times and it is early days but he always texts me, rings me and meets me reguarly. Not only that but I really fancy him a lot - almost too good to be true!! I've met several men on the internet dating over the last 10 months and have been let down so many times and been hurt. I always seem to do the chasing or they chase me and I just don't feel anything for them. This man though has only been separated for 5 months and still goes on about what his ex done when she left him. I did say to him that he is not ready for commitment but he insists he is. He says he's a one-woman man and never has been a one for wanting to meet lots of other women.I'm so scared though of getting hurt and being a rebound, which I have told him about. He even says he'll come to Australia with me next year on holiday. How do I handle this, as I don't want to get hurt. We are growing closer all the time and the feelings are mutual but I feel I should back away. What is the best way to deal with this situation?? Please help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2006): I am going to speak generally here....
If someone talks about their ex a lot, and it has been recent since they broke up, they are NOT really to be with someone else and it is very likely they will cause you heartache.
Be wary if you continue things with him. Your gut feeling saying "beware! beware!" is happening for a reason - trust it.
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (8 June 2006):
 It really does come down to trust at the end of the day and you have said that this man seems extremely attentive and contacts you often.
Just because you have been let down in the past does not mean that this man will do the same to you.
Don't foresee the future too far ahead right now. Relationships take time to build and if this man has come out of a long term relationship then the ex will get mentioned and the fact that she left him means that he is still possibly hurt by all of that. It is still early days but he is obviously trying to move forward but don't expect miracles right now.
You have at the end of the day only met 5 times which is not a lot. When it has been 6 months then you can tell how the relationship is going and the fact that he is looking towards a holiday with you next year does mean that he sees your relationship as something that will last.
Sounds to me like you are the one who has some issues right now with these other men who have let you down previously. Don't let them spoil what sounds to me like a start of a good relationship. Have you ever been for any relationship counselling after your previous relationships as you can go and see someone on your own and get the hurt and frustration from the past out so that you can forward in this new relationship without carrying the baggage around with you.
OK so you have done the running in the past but if this feels right now then let it just evolve and if he is coming forward instead then let him.
I know you are scared of being hurt but unfortunately that is life but don't judge this new relationship on the ones that previously didn't work out for you.
Have you told him how much the mentioning of the ex upsets you? Perhaps he doesn't even realise he is doing it. Do you bring up your ex's at all?
I would say that if feelings are getting stronger and you are getting close then you should be able to start talking to him more openly and telling him your fears. I think that is all it is the fear of being hurt and we can all feel that sometimes especially when we are in a new relationship.
Relax but also consider talking to someone independently as well as it could possibly resolve these issues for you.
Best of luck.
BFN
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