A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I got married four months ago to a wonderful man who would make a brilliant father figure to my children but there's a problem. I have been having an affair for half a year with a guy who's married with kids. I love him. He says that he's only with his wife because of the children and that she has affairs as well. I believe him but i want him all to myself. How do i get out of this mess and be with the guy that i love without hurting my husband? Please help.
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male
reader, agony_uncle_r +, writes (15 April 2007):
how can this guy respect you knowing you married another man while sleeping with him?
youve made a total joke of the sanctity of marriage and destroyed a decent mans faith in women along the way, you must use a lot of sleeping pills at night or have no morals at all (i suspect the later).
i suggest you come clean to your 'husband' and let him kno what a mistake hes made with you so he can find a person with a heart he deserves, then youll be free to run to this guy who has no respect for you and have your heart broke.
A
female
reader, Pork Hock  +, writes (15 April 2007):
Ok, I've been in a similar situation. You have to share everything with this lover, I mean everything. He has to see you as you are, getting upset, no make-up, wearing sweats everything to know he knows you...you have to be able to talk about anything. I left my husband when my daughter was 3 and she still asks if I am going to have another baby, will it be her real sister/brother, will Daddy and I ever get back together. My ex was brutal, cheated and beated me up etc but I still feel guilt about answering questions such as the above...you feel guilty all the time. It take a great deal to take on what you'll have to go through if you leave your husband, arrangements, who does what etc, who makes decisions and sometimes you have no choice what your children do on his weekend...if this man is willing to bare the brunt of some shit times with arrangements, who does what at what time and when you have your time together then yes go for it...but I'd hate him to think that the excitement of an affair continues, it doesn't it becomes domesticated...if he really loves you, the kids and is a dedicated man he will deal with the consequences of a broken family emotionally and on a schedule...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2007): The short answer is: you can't.
Think about it: you have been married four months, but carrying on an affair with a married man for two months before that, and for the whole time you've been married.
In what way do you possibly think you could divorce your husband and not hurt him to hell and gone, destroy his trust in you, knowing as he will, that you had no intention of being faithful to him? My dear, you are making a mockery of your marriage.
As for this married man - do you really believe him when he says his wife is having affairs? And they have children? If you believe that, then I have a bridge in London I'd like to sell you.
Anyway, what kind of esteem and respect do you reckon this jerk has for YOU knowing that you are cheating on your husband and have no intention of taking your marriage seriously?
You have a much bigger problem than your lover's wife! You also have a problem with wanting what you want, come hell or high water, no matter who gets hurt in the process.
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