A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Not sure where to begin, honestly. I'm still currently a bit flustered about the current situation I am in, but I also know that the next few hours will make or break, most likely, my future with this woman. I've spoken to friends about the matter, and have gotten a unanimous "you need to walk away from her" response from them all. Which is always expected from friends, though I don't particularly blame them nor think they are wrong in their responses. It begins about five months ago. She came into my life like a storm, and before we knew it, we were both falling violently in love. It was enthralling. It was exhilarating. We spent every moment we could getting to know one another, inseparable to say the least. She had an ex boy friend she was dealing with, but that was something we both understood, and something we both vowed to overcome. We did, eventually. She got over him. Hoorah. But the arguments, they begin to stack. I'm not innocent by any means, I've done my fair share of counter-productive things in the relationship we have. We both have, no doubt. Some of it stems from the jealousy that starts to build in my heart over little things, but there was a good portion of it that was very justifiable on my end. She begins to corner me, put me into a tight position. Pushing my buttons, seeing just how much she can turn the screws until I break. Eventually, I believe she has it down to an art, and begins to execute her moves with flawless precision.But I'm onto her, I always have been a step ahead. I know her, inside and out. I know her, for who she is out in the open. When the guard is down, and no walls exist. I fell in love with that woman. With the beautiful eyes. I know what to expect. I know her every move, I finish her sentences when we're arguing, because I catch on quickly. She pulls away, I try to reason with her, she comes back.I pull away, she pleads with me, I succumb.We both tell eachother we're all in. That this relationship - we're serious about it. This is what we want. What we want to see bloom. The mistakes I've made, thrown into my face everyday, however. How can she ever trust me, she tells me, when I've hurt her so badly in the past? It will take time, will take effort. I can walk a mile on glass for this woman, and never regret it, because she's worth it to me.She throws in my face how I've tried to push her out of my life. How can she trust my stability, when I was trying to get her out of my life at that time? She has reason to doubt, I see it, I'm not blind. But I came back for a reason. Because I love her, and believed in her. Believed in us. But here we go again, down heartbreak lane. Full speed ahead. I sent her flowers Thursday, an apology, an offering of love. Something I had never done in the past, but always wanted to. Sent them same day, because I wanted to make sure she got them when it mattered the most. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday... we spend a little time together, but not a great deal. I stay out of her way while she does her own thing. I know better than to interfere at this point. Complemented on how I was perfectly sweet and kind this weekend for her, that I gave her what she needed to see. Only to be told hours later that she can't cope with it. That she can't deal with the hurt I've caused her. It burns a hole in her chest. That she is only with me for me, not for herself. And I think to myself, just a few weeks ago, you were begging me to change my mind when I was resolute about leaving you. Now you don't even care to work this relationship out, now you don't even want it for yourself?I can sense the game being played here, and can only wonder how to move the chess board in my favor. But you may be thinking, why play the game, when you know it's a game? I don't intend to play chess, I'm not one for games. I think I'm going to throw the board down to the ground. Let the porcelain pieces shatter against the concrete. Black and white shards of a love that once was. This time, I can't give in. This time, I have to finish what I begin. But I can hear her already. I can hear her mocking me, telling me here we go again. Another attempt to push me out of your life, eh? I knew you were unstable, I knew you didn't care. But, lets say I walk away, and she calls me in a few days... what then? Calls me, tells me she's sorry. Tells me she misses me, that she didn't realize the damage she had done. That she didn't realize the hurt she was causing me. That she never wanted things to go this way, it was just too hard to manage, she wasn't prepared. Do I think she finally caught a breath of reality? That she finally stopped living this double life I feel she has, the life her and I share, and the life outside of that? Coming to her senses and being human, not robotic. Being loving, not calculating? Or am I to believe she will just throw it in my face a few days later.You tried to throw me out, AGAIN, after you said you never would. I can never put my trust into you, you'll just push me out at your earliest convenience. She will be calling me in an hour or so, and my intentions are to close the door. But what if she calls me and all is well? Do I just let it ride, and try to see this through, try to see the change. Try to see that she was just having a bad day and took it out on me? Or do I jump the gun, lay this all out to her, and walk off into the shadows forevermore? A reality check is long overdue for her, I can sense she's really lost grips with who she is. I'm unsure on what to do, how to handle this, and how to bring back the woman I know she can be. She's lost in a veil, and if there's anyway to uncover her, I want to do just that. I know she loves me, I know I love her, we just seem to have gotten lost somewhere along the way.Maybe the fact that I've even had to come to this extent to try and fix the situation means it's not worth trying to repair. That it is far beyond repair. Maybe she's right when she tells me I've ruined the relationship we had. Maybe I should have stopped her in her tracks when she told me she's only trying to work things out between us for me, not for herself. Complications in my mind are stacking, I know just how complex she is. I want the complexity to disappear, I want the gentle woman back. I just don't know how to get through to her anymore. I fear time is against me. Thanks for reading if you made it this far, and thank you for any responses that can be offered.
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female
reader, *cHrIsTiNa*  +, writes (8 September 2010):
okay right now just calm down and take a deep breath relax... ok from experience love is very power can beat any obstacle... in the begging of my relationship I was the same way jealous, over controlling,very rude.. didn't know what I wanted but the one thing I knew was that I was in love.. what changed me was that my husband now put down the rules he said if u ever leave me just once its over no going back true love can concore any thing so I never broke up with him nor him with me..than we wrote on a paper ten things we like and dislike about each other and even if dislike over ruled like we changed those ten things for each other cause we knew we would lose a good thing... my point if she is not willing to change for u than she is not fully commited to the relationship... u need to separate the good from the bad and figure out if she is worth ur time/effort... u have the key to ur heart is she the one who deserves it? u also have to lay down some rules... and decide with 50 percent of ur mind and the rest with ur heart.. sit and think before u act...I hope this helps in any way.. good luck =D
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (8 September 2010):
 5 months in and you two already have all this drama? Can you imagine 5, 10, 20 years of this mess? Never knowing if she's going to blow hot or cold? This is supposed to be the honeymoon period, when everything is easy and fun. If it's already this bad, why keep going? It won't get easier.
Friends can often see things that you can't because they are not in love with the other person. I agree with them, this relationship is a mess and not worth saving.
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