| A
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi guys... I'm a person who wasn't sure of her sexuality. Well, I only have always fantasized about a woman. Never a man. I have never been in a relationship. I haven't ever kissed anyone. In short- I'm pathetic. The place I live in is very shocked when it comes to the L word. I, however have been very, very liberal about everything. I never have criticized anyone or harmed anyone. I was liberal before my attraction towards anyone. I'm so lonely and I feel incomplete. I don't know any lesbian in my town. There are no lesbian bars or anything like that. No one knows I'm a lesbian. I don't want to date people online so please don't suggest. My biggest problem is that whenever a girl smiles a lot while talking to me or looks at me like she adores me, I can't stop thinking about it. I want someone special in my life but I don't know how to find a person who can love me back or at least admits she's a lesbian. How can I find out if a person is a lesbian or she likes me a lot? Please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (12 July 2011):
You want other lesbians to tell you that they are lesbians but you are not able to do it yourself. They are probably feeling the same pressure that you are feeling if you live in a community that is not accepting of homosexuality. In other words, you aren't pathetic, you are feeling the consequences of being in an opressive context, in an opressive system.
Part of liberating yourself from this opression is to develope your sense of courage, to the point where you can openly let people know that you are a lesbian without caring what they think. I know this is difficult in many circumsances, even dangerous sometimes, but it can be worse to have to not be yourself, than to be true to yourself and have to face your difficulties.
If people know that you are a lesbian, others who are interested will be able to approach you knowing it is ok, and you help other people develop the courage to stand up for themselves.
If you don't want to investigate online dating, you can join online communities where you can at least start to meet other lesbians and make friends, get information, talk about experiences that will help you.
You have to learn to accept yourself if you want others to accept you, and there is nothing about you which isn't acceptable. Throw out any thoughts that tell you you aren't acceptable in any way, they aren't true and they don't serve any helpful purpose.
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