| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am married for 5 years, and we've been together before we got married for 9 years. we were madly in love. he is still in love with me... I know that. and he is a very nice guy. the thing is, we don't have too much in common. his ideas and thoughts are always so strange to me and my family.5 months ago, I was out of country for 6 months (business related). I met another guy. he's great. he made me see life in a different way. after a very drunk night, I was feeling lonely, we spent the night together. and after that we were together. we say I love you to each other (which is the truth), we are in a relationship. but it is a hidden affair... no one wants that. obviously he doesn't. I want to have a real relationship, I want to be in his life. right now I live in a different country from my husband. and I fell in love with someone else. I don't want to hurt him. but it is clear that i need to get a divorce. by the way my secret boy friend told me he can't do this anymore, he can't be in this sinful, secret relationship. he is right. I know that. but I can't just break up with my husband on the phone... or when I go back for a couple days, I can't just tell him I love someone else, and leave him there, right?what should I do? I am stuck in this weird position. I love my husband, but not the same way I love this new guy. how should I tell him? when should I tell him?
View related questions:
affair, divorce, drunk, fell in love, I love you Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): My hat is off to you.I think that is great that you are willing to make the steps needed.I think sugarbuns has it right. Read then re-read what she has wrote.I’m on the other side. I’m a single guy seeing a married woman for almost a year. I can’t get her to make the move, I wish she would I would be right by her side I love her. Just make sure that your new guy loves you as much as you love him and is willing to wait. I can see now that things take time. Explain that to him; tell him you are going to but DO NOT lie to him. Keep him posted on your moves. I do however think you need to have a time table setup and if you truly are going to do it then stick to the time table. If you don’t the new man may question your moves. This you don’t want to happen.And NO do not even let him think someone else is in the picture. He is already going to question that.I do hope you give us updates along the way it may even give me some hope.MR X
A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (26 March 2011):
 First you tell you husband you need a trial separation. Then you move out. You don't actually have to tell him about the other guy, it might be best if you don't. After a few months of living apart, you take the next step and file for divorce. You simply tell your husband you don't know what you want; you need time to yourself; and then eventually that you don't love him anymore. During this time, and it will take time your new man will see that you're making an exit strategy for yourself, which will help him see and end to the secrecy. However you need to realize three things could possibly happen. 1) Your new man may not be as serious as you think he is, and when he sees you actually taking appropriate steps to end your marriage (to be with him) he may suddenly bolt. But you won't know until you take the first step to move out and separate from your spouse. 2) All things will go according to plan, you will wait a suitable amount of time so both you and your husband can digest the reality of what's happening, you and your new man will be together, maybe eventually getting married as well. You may later discover your new man is not all that you thought he was. There is always a danger that you simply trade problems. 3) You move out, clear your head and realize you do love your husband and you still have a chance to go back. Plan your steps carefully and don't burn any bridges; do not tell your husband about the new man. He doesn't need to have that pain. Plus it's better for your conscious if you go slow, so you don't shock yourself in the process. Trust me on this one.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2011): Get a divorce!! If you really have the courage of your convictions to say you don't love your husband, tell another man you love him, and indulge in an extra marital affair then you will leave him. It's a bit late to be thinking about how much you will hurt your husband now isn't it?Your heart is not in this marriage and you have forsaken your vows, tell your husband the truth and everyone can try to move on, even though there will be a lot of hurt but that's the price you pay isn't it? Good luck.
...............................
|
