A
male
age
26-29,
*kilroy349
writes:Hi What should I do?I have been married for 15 years and with my partner for almost 20. Before I met my wife her boyfriend died of cancer at the age of 22, (They were together for about 4 years) I have been obsessing quite a lot recently that she loved him more than she loves me.I love my wife more than I have loved any other living being but and it a BIG BUT I don't think she loves me as much - I think she loved her dead ex boyfriend the way I love her.I think I am jealous of him - I am jealous of someone I never met - someone who has been dead for 22 years. She mentions him reasonably regularly (thus my recent obsessing). Regardless what she says I can not help but picture them together - this is making me feel sick in side.I want stop obsessing - I want her to tell me she loves me more than she loved him - I want to be able to enjoy life with my wife without getting myself upset.
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female
reader, Deema  +, writes (16 April 2008):
 And oh boy, you so need to tell her how you feel. Its hard carrying all that obsessing around inside you, it needs to come out. She will probably be very upset to realise she's been a little less than thoughtful in this reagard and be pleased to reassure you. I am on my second marriage and am very conscious of the fact when I speak about my ex, and it is usually in a need to deal with a financial issue, not really much else, but I still know it must be difficult for my new husband. He however is very comfortable with himself, knows how much I love him and trusts me implicitly, so he doesn't have an issue with it at all - although he did say once that maybe I'd have gone back to him if I never met him - WRONG WRONG WRONG. I think the answer in all this is about being comfortable with yourself as well. I think its a self-esteem issue as much as anything, cos if you knew you were the best thing since sliced bread, her ex couldn't realy hurt you. So try working on that too. I always end up telling myself what I need to hear on here, so thanks for that :))))). Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): Hi Hunny
I can understand you very much love, You really have nothing to fear my ex died just over 2yrs ago and Im engaged to a wonderfull man now and happy, Yes I have a picture here and there but its only for my memory I dont want to forget hunny, If it wasnt for him I wouldnt have learned so much and you have been married a long time now and your wife loves you Im sure as much as you love her. Its the memory its the fear of forgetting its not for me that I look at my fiance and think if only, I never have not once, I wish he hadnt died but Im glad that I found the man I have that has made me happy the most happy Ive ever been and the one that has helped me through with out him like without you your wife may not come through the strong woman she is. So you have alot hunny alot of kindness and caring in you dont feel second best ever sweetheart you are the very one who has lifted her up and given her back her life TAKE GOOD CARE OF BOTH OF YOU WITH LOTS OF LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): she may think about him regularly just as people do about there 1st love or any deceaced person from the past, some people dont feel comfortable enough to talk about it, so she must trust you a lot to discuss him with you. If her love for you was not as strong she probably would have left you by now. The two of you have created more memorys than they could have and you are here in person, i wouldnt worry, its normal to think of those we lost, you wouldnt be jelous if it was a family member, so try to think of it like that.
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