A
male
age
51-59,
*hymexycpl
writes:I have been married for 21yrs and sex is a touchy subject now. My wife has lost her mojo and I want her to get it back. How can i go about this. I am so depressed and thinking of looking outside the box, but know this will lead to trouble but Im so wound up and look to porn and self pleasure but now I need more. What can I do. My wife thinks our sex times are over but I wont buy that. is she cheating? Please help!
View related questions:
depressed, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): you have to get her talking about why or get her to a therapist/counselor to talk about it. It is NOT a good sign but there are just too many possible reasons that range from physiological to infidelity. Assuming neither of those two extremes, usually when a woman withholds sex from her husband like this it's a form of punishment. Irrespective of the cause, communication is the only useful way forward.Don't cheat. It will not help anything. Get her to talk, If she won't or won't see a counselor with you, then the marriage may be over.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): I would drop the sex subject. More likely than not, she is going through something in her life, making sex a non priority. If you badger her for sex, or tell her about your sexual needs, you will most likely annoy her and most definitely turn her completely off. No one likes desperation; it's fundamentally unattractive.
Perhaps she is harboring resentments towards you, or maybe you offended or did something to her that is causing her to react this way. Have you been taking your wife for granted and not making her feel special? Are you freely helping her around the house and attending her needs? Do you surprise her from time to time, or give her presents? If not, try to implement these things to make her feel special and loved. I bet you, it will yield better results that telling/showing her that you want sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): Your wife probably hasn't lost interest in sex. She's just lost interest in having it with you for whatever reason. This does not mean she is cheating. Sitting her down to explain how you feel, yet again, is unlikely to push her to do anything but avoid you and the topic of sex. She already knows how you feel. She's just not up to spreading her legs for your entertainment if she is no longer getting anything out of it for herself.Given your age and the length of time you've been married I'm guessing if you have children they're all grown up (or close to it). She's made the big sacrifices, put her family first and now she wants to get some of her life back. In other words the problem is outside the bedroom not in it.She might need time and space to consider her options. You may want sex very badly but you don't need it to survive so don't take your wife's refusals as a free pass to shop around.I went through something like this with my ex a few years ago. I had been unhappy in the marriage for some time but put my own wants and needs aside for the sake of my family's. My then husband seemed to think the only problem we had was lack of sex and that if I would just spread my legs for him again, everything would be peachy keen. He couldn't wrap his head around the idea that I wanted far more from life than to just exist for everyone else's sake. The more he tried to talk things through (badger me for sex) the more resentful I became and the more I pushed him away. If you value your marriage don't make the same mistake as my husband did.
...............................
A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (12 August 2011):
i would have a talk with her explain to her how you feel and tell her everything you have just wrote on here it may give her the push she needs to realise how she has been with you sh emay not have realised how you are feeling
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 August 2011):
 has your wife had a physical work up or seen her gyn?
I'm 51 and my sex drive is stronger now than in my 20s that's for sure...
if by mojo you mean no sex... what are you doing to woo her to the bed? romance? cuddling? talking? walks? dates?
why does she think your sex life is over?
...............................
|
