A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:A litte history: I have been married for many years. The past few I have been not performing well in the bedroom to the point we do not have sex anymore. Her libido has increased but I just dont have the desire for sex. My doctor is trying to help but it is going to be a while before we can get this right...maybe (multiple complications...its too long of a story).I want my wife to be sexually active and have asked her to meet another man for sex. She will not do it but is not happy. I love her a lot but I am not able to. Is there a way to convience her to have sex with other men? Is that just a huge problem and I should drop the issue?Your advice would be nice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): i don't know the extent of your problems but please realise this- marriage is about 2 people, the moment you introduce a 3rd person in your marriage it corrupts it. you would have read all the trauma and tormiol in peoples lives here on this site. it is heartbreaking. so please reconsider.
if you cannot perform sexually, then perhaps try something else - maybe oral sex for her, clitoris stimilation and orgasms will ensure that her sexual needs are somehow being met. sex with another man will turn your life into a living hell. your best intentions is a bit off with this suggestion so please reconsider.
good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): your wife evidently loves you. though she wants physical forfilment the vows she made to you are more importent to her. she wants you, she loves you. if she had sex with a nother man it would just be sex and may make her feal cheap. she wants to make love to you and is pripaired to wate till you are reddy and abel. let her.
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A
male
reader, rocknroll +, writes (30 May 2009):
I think you should refrain from pushing her away and instead work on yourself, I am sure she will wait for you.
You don't state what type of doctor, and I am not sure if you think it is chemical or not, but may I suggest a sex therapist or sexologist? One who may have a Mantra background?
One of the things I have heard, is that if you get an erection while you sleep, then the problem is mental.
Personally, I do not want to send you and your wife down the dangerous path you are requesting. What could happen, is that she finds someone who fits her needs, and ends up leaving you anyways.
Be careful what you ask for, it can backfire on you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): I don't know if you ever give her oral sex or what your medical problem is. If it is just the ability to have an erection then oral is possible. Many women, including my wife, use sex as an extension of affection. They like the sex, but it is the affection part that is really the most important. If your wife were to just have another man for sex then it would probably just be sex without the affection and love. Most women are not like most men. We guys often (perhaps mostly) crave sex just for sex. This difference is especially true as we get older.
There are ways to give her both the affection and sex without having intercourse. As others have said, there are various sex toys. More importantly in my mind is the ability of the guy to give the woman oral sex. This can be combined with fondling or inserting your fingers in her vagina during oral or using a vibrating bullet or dildo during oral sex. Most women have better orgasms with oral anyway, at least from my experience and what I have read in various discussions and articles. Of the women who I had dated years ago, the 2 (my wife being 1 of them) who had the best orgasms did so with oral sex.
My wife is the only woman who I have used toys on and we do that often, even though we can still have intercourse. I just asked her if she would want to have sex with someone else if she were in your wife's position and she said no. She said that she would be happy with oral sex and using toys on her and all the cuddling and fondling that we do.
I never really liked doing oral until I started dating those 2 women in my mid 30s and discovered their reactions and enjoyment. That makes it a lot of fun for me. I suspect that you could discover the same thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): Old Guy is right...there are other less drastic messures you can try. There are ways to please your wife, without actual intercourse.
Wanting your wife to meet other guys is very unselfish of you, but also very risky.
Your wife sounds like a good woman who wouldn't think of doing such a thing. Look at all your options!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): Don't give you wife to another man, what kind of crap is that. That's wrong on so many levels, I won't even begin to explain.Why don't you buy your wife some toys. There is a lot you can do to please her that does not include penetration. With the additions of different toys, she will be a happy woman. Try dildos, jack rabbits, and so many other little things. I'm single right now, and also have a high sex drive. I'm surviving on toys - and I'm just fine.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): You want her to find someone for "just sex." For a lot of women, that's not in their makeup at all. Sounds like she's just being very honest with you, bless her.
Good for you for recognizing the problem. So the question now is, if another guy isn't the answer, what can you do. Is this a question of not being able to get it up, or farther along the continuum to "can't stand the thought?" If you're still willing to be intimate, but just unable, why not buy a toy? You can still show your love and affection, and satisfy her at the same time.
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