A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there.I have posted on this before, it was about my marriage falling apart. I have been married for 10 months now and the last 6 weeks we have argued constantly. 2 weeks ago i went a bit crazy as we where not managing to resolve the issues, all be it before this point were not that big a deal. but in the frustration of not managing to sort these issues out i said a few things in the heat of the moment ie ill take you for all you have if you decide to go ahead and leave me along with some really nasty comments about her as a person. i didnt mean anything that was said i was just frustrated that we couldnt just talk about these issues, move on a wipe the slate clean. she wanted space so i went away for a week, came back and it was then that she realised that she was at fault in some way. so a couple of weeks went by all was ok but whilst on night out she brought up the issues again said she couldnt forgive me so a few things were said again that i didnt mean, just in the heat of the moment. since then she has stayed at friends, i have stayed at friends all because she wanted space, and now i have moved out to give her the space she needed as she sais i never gave her any space in the first place. months ago i started to suffocate her i didnt realise i was doing it but she never really said there was an issue as such, but the more it happened the more she ran and with out realising it i carried on suffocating her. we both agree we lost sight of what was happening and thats when the arguements started. I have appoligised many times for hurting her and being verbally abusive for the 2 weeks, I know what i need to do to be the man she married and thats just be myself. she said she misses me and loves the old me, which in my eyes is still me, but she has fallen out of love with the person that she has seen. I want her back in my life as its been weeks now but she says its to soon, i really want to show her that im still me and our marriage is worth fighting for. i cant bare being apart much longer its really getting me down. i want my wife bck in my life so that we can rebuild the strong love and bond we once had.
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (22 September 2009):
 This is a really sad and desperate situation.
Let's see what you can do to try and fix this with her and make things right between the two of you.
First of all, when you have these kinds of clashes in a marriage, there's something annoying that you are both doing to each other, that makes little things you will tolerate in other people, become irritants in your marriage.
The only way the two of you can be happy together is to open up to each other.
It seems that you have some trust issues. And those trust issues are affecting your ability to accept and forgive each others' faults. And finally, that's eating into that emotional intimacy which gives the two of you the strength to overcome whatever petty differences exist.
So as a result of this degeneration of trust, acceptance/forgiveness and intimacy, you are feeling that the love bond is breaking. Stop me if I'm incorrect here.
The two of you need to sit down face to face. Quietly. Make a truce together. That means agree not to judge or criticize each other, period; and stick to it. But come together as a couple in a quiet setting. Hold hands and look at each other in the eyes.
And for this one time, just to start over again, trust each other enough to talk about what the two of you want out of your marriage together. That's right what is it that you two want as a couple.
Look into each others' hearts. Make this as loving and sincere as you can possibly make it.
These are the goals you need to attain to reach a level of satisfaction and happiness.
And make the time to do this. If this seems to work, then do it every day. The more the two of you work together and achieve the goals you want as a couple, the more trust and intimacy will build up in your marriage.
I know it seems silly, but its the only way to make the marriage work.
In a normal relationship (I know define normal), couples seem to intuitively know how to effectively communicate. But if the two of you have communications issues, then you have to start listening to each other and respecting each other without judging or moralizing, or outright rejecting anything.
That seems to be what's interfering with your love bond.
Of course physical intimacy, and a strong showing of affection helps this process. It says to your wife and she to you, "Hey, I love you. You can trust me. I want you to be happy."
Isn't that what its really all about? If the two of you focus on each others' needs and making the marriage stronger, then you'll actually be stronger and happier for it.
But it means giving up some ego, giving up some pride and melting into each other a little bit. Once you do that, its really not too hard to keep trying.
The harder you work at your marriage, the better it will be. As long as you consider each other.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 September 2009):
You've got to work real hard then. She will be feeling very hurt and vulnerable. (not that you aren't, by the way). However, this sounds like it can be fixed, if you both want it to be fixed. See if she'll see a counsellor with you and explain that you want to hear what you can do. Some things that will hurt you might come out, but if you take them and listen to her, then she might be persuaded to come back. Try that. Good luck.
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