A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my wife 14 months ago after a 2 year marriage,we are both professionals shes 28 and im 33,the break up was mutual and really shouldnt have happened,since then iv had 4 sexual partners none of which were serious relationships,my wife and i still love each other but shes been with this guy for 6 months hes older 44 and been divorced twice,i didnt know much about him until recently as me and my wife have started to become close and slept together,she asked me about my sexual life and i told her,when i asked about hers she was quite reserved but then told me this guy is highly sexed like she is but said hes very selfish and makes her feel used,she also said he is very controlling and abusive when he drinks,i asked why she stays with him but couldnt get a straight answer.over the xmas period i bumped into him in a local wine bar he was out with his work and i was with friends,he was ok to start with then he kept mentioning he was going back to my wifes later then began joking saying he had a lot of semen for her and that her neighbours must be deaf as shes screaming from him having sex with her so much,i was speechless at time but i want my ex back but the thought of her with him has made me think twice,i dont know what to do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): Why isn't it her fault, ShiShisAdvice? Whose fault is it then?
Think about if the wife was here complaing about the husband's sexual flings during the breakup. Would anyone be saying it's not the husband's fault for choosing distasteful lovers or letting himself be used?
The woman is an adult just like the man is. She is responsible for her own actions.
A
female
reader, ShiShisAdvice  +, writes (8 January 2011):
 Great, great question! I think your wife is still cool, it was just her choice in a man that was totally off. But I tell ya, she didn't have the dating experience to spot a character like that! If you both are ready for the second time around, grab each others hands and don't look back. It wasn't her fault on this one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): Sure it will be hard to forget it and to rebuild trust. You both had sex while separated. She might feel the same way as you feel. But one thing good is you both deep down know that u are really meant for each other. Try to talk seriouslly. As he is a jerk she can forget him easily and will not be much a problem.
It was wrong to have u sex with her before reconcilation and talke.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): Your feelings make perfect sense to me. You want to still respect your wife but she is letting herself be used for some asshole's free sex toy now. Any self-respecting man would think twice about being with that woman. How can you feel proud to be with her again when she does this to herself?
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (8 January 2011):
 From the sounds of it, the guy that is with your ex-wife right now is a piece of work and was probably either trying to intimidate you or make you jealous.
I am not sure what question you are asking, however.
If you want to get back together with your wife, you are going to have to get over the fact your wife has been with another guy and you are going to have to figure out what caused you to break up in the first place. You are also going to need to make sure she isn't going to go back this other guy while you are together.
If you don't want to get back together with your ex-wife, then it's time to move on. If she is seeing a drunk who pushes her around, I guess you can warn her, but I think at this point it is her life and you need to move on. Bringing yourself into her life's drama is only going to bring on heart-ache and headache.
Sounds like you have some soul searching to do and perhaps a talk with your ex-wife to see if it is worth restarting your relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): That man sounds like a total idiot. Why didn't you say back, "I am sleeping with your girlfriend and she says what an abusive man you are."You two have broke up though, you cannot judge her for sleeping with one man when you slept with four women! You two do not seem right together to be honest. If you did get back together would it really work out?
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (8 January 2011):
 Why is it ok for you to have sex, but not her??? Not to mention the guy was most likely just trying to make you jealous. He seems like a jerk. You wife is in danger if he gets rough with her. Try talking to her more!! Dont hold it against her...cuz she could do the same.
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