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female
age
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*reyday59
writes:I have put up with my workaholic husband for 28 yrs in all this time I have got used to being second to his work.I guess it my own fault really I should have left him years ago but he a good man and I love him no matter what.Now he’s getting older he’s still trying to work long hours pushing himself and it’s making him ill he suffering with health anxiety and he won’t listen that he needs to slow down.He’s a HGV driver.Every week it’s the same he comes home exhausted after being away all week working long hours his anxiety sky high .I’m trying to help him but you can’t help those who won’t help themselves and is just plain stubborn.He now suffers with digestive problems too after years of not looking after himself his body is finely getting its own back.It’s very draining for me being with a man who constantly complains about his health and worries about everything is hard.He’s put me through years of loneliness anxiety and depression with his job and Iv had no support through the years with him always being away and he’s never been there for me when I needed him he always known how hard I have found it with him away all the time .I got through breast cancer 2 yrs ago and still on medication that I have to take but it makes me feel unwell.I can’t do what I use to I have no strength anymore.I’m just so tired of coping alone with everything I’m too old to leave and make a new life for myself by myself now.When I ask him to cut down his hours so we can be together more he just says we can’t afford him too.My life has become so stale I’m sick of my job sick of just always doing what he wants I need a change.So Iv given him an ultimatum and I don’t know if I’m right to do this I told him that I cant see him doing this to himself anymore and that I want to sell the house move away and change our life style completely follow my dream and what I want to do for a change.I’m getting the house valued this week! He’s not happy and clams up when I want to talk about a fresh start and a future together .I can’t spend my later years being miserable even if it means giving up everything I have what good are material things anyway if you have no one to share and enjoy them with.I fear if we don’t do this and work on this plan together then we have no future and I can’t live like this any more. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 April 2021):
 I agree with Code Warrior.
You know what you want, you need to express it to him. But asking for something doesn't mean you "get it" so to speak. He might not want to totally quit working. Do you two have a good retirement fund?
Gave you two sat down and made a budget together?
Does your "dream" of moving to this new place make financial sense? What is your husband's dream? Does it work well with yours?
Sit down and have a conversation. Try and keep tears and emotions at bay (as best as you can). Tell him you WANT to spend more time with him, you don't want his job to do further harm to his health. Lay it all out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2021): Good for you. I wish you strength. I'm sure your husband will see that he needs to put his health and relationship first above his job. It is very difficult to do this sometimes though. You can feel pressure and a sense of obligation from work and he is concerned about having enough income. You should do a budget together and discuss it before making any rash decisions. It will be difficult for your husband too so just bear that in mind.
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