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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: To make a long story short here recently (very recently) Im having feeling about my sister in law.I dont know were these feeling have come from. Am I wierd? I really dont know what to do. I have been married for 7 years and have a 5 year old son. My wifes sister is married (not happly) with a young son also. My wife and I really dont have a healthy marriage. Im really not happy in the relationship. I have been thinking of my wifes sister alot for the past couple days. It want go away. I need advice on what i should do. Am i crazy for having these feelings?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, soon567  +, writes (5 November 2010):
Just masturbate when you feeling like that and it will ease until you get horny again.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Instead of repeatedly posting this question, and getting the same answers by the way, why not hop into a cold shower instead?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-if-i-cannot-stop-my-attraction-to.html
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A
female
reader, Corys girl +, writes (1 November 2010):
its called ATTRACTION, as long as you too keep in contact with your childern there is nothing wrong with this, it happens.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (1 November 2010):
Hi there. Perhaps you have what is sometimes referred to as the 7 Year Itch.
It's a type of restlessness that sometimes happens in a relationship over a few years, once the newness has gone.
The honeymoon stage is usually up to 18 months to about 2 years or possibly 3 years.
Relationships can tend to lose their sparkle after a few years, and couples can start to think that it's the beginning of the end.
Obviously the romantic stage of a brand new relationship, can't possibly last forever. Once you get married, then the reality of life sets in - bills, mortgages, dirty washing, housekeeping, children etc. - so the bubble of a fairytale romance soon bursts.
Perhaps you have got into a rut and are feeling a bit bored, like there's not enough excitement. This can easily happen, and having a child would have changed your relationship with your wife hugely. You only had 2 years alone together before your son came along.
Once your son came along 5 years ago, your relationship with your wife probably got put on the backburner a bit. You probably feel like you are a low priority in your wife's life ever since. Taking each other for granted.
This is what you are referring to when you say you don't have a healthy relationship with her now.
I'm guessing that before your son was born, that things were pretty good between you, am I right?
The reason you are having these thoughts about your wife's sister is because you are looking for a bit of fun, and the grass is looking a bit greener on that side of the fence at the moment.
I don't suggest you even think about going there and having an affair with her.
Just because you say that she is unhappy, what you see in her is what is happening to you. You are married with a son and restless and she is married with a son and restless also. You are both in exactly the same situation.
Often the grass looks greener on the other side, but the truth is, it isn't. It's an illusion.
If you were to even contemplate taking these thoughts about her any further, you would live to regret your actions very quickly indeed. All it would do is cause a very complicated emotional mess, which would probably end in divorce - both yours and hers.
And even then if you were to ride off together into the sunset, it would be very unlikely that it would last very long at all anyway.
Whenever two married people meet and have an affair, then decide to leave their spouses, these relationships very rarely work out well. Because there's no trust there, remembering how they met in the first place - cheating on their spouses. So consider your actions very carefully.
These fantasies you are having about your sister in law, are just that - fantasies. It is an escape from reality for you, and not much more.
When relationships go stale, people often look for a possible way out - affairs, internet porn, intenet surfing, internet chat sites, drugs, alcohol, gambling, workaholic.
What you would be better off doing is to get to know your wife all over again. If you fell in love with her once, you can do it again. That woman you first met and fell in love with is still there. There's just a few layers of life that need to be peeled back a bit, to reveal the real her. She's just got a bit buried in motherhood and life.
Another problem that causes havoc in relationships is a lack of balance. Doing all the things you have to do, but not enough of the things you want to do.
There's sometimes a sense of life being all work and no play.
Finding some hobbies and interests will help to break the monotony. Having some time apart to pursue these hobbies, or visit your friends - one night a week for a couple of hours also breathes some fresh air into relationships.
Going out somewhere nice every now and then to see a show or go out for dinner to a nice restaurant, for some one on one time would do wonders as well. If you could arrange a babysitter (yours or her parents), would give you the freedom to spend some time together. It's important to do this fairly regularly, to build a good rapport between you again.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 November 2010):
 You're not crazy for having the feelings. However, DO NOT ACT on them! Stay as far away from your wife's sister as you can possibly get. Do NOT see her in private, nor go to her house, nor discuss your personal life with her in any way.
You need to re-channel your energy to improving your relationship with your wife. Usually, marriages become unhealthy because of neglect by one or both of you. You have a 5 year old - having kids adds a new dimension of effort in a marriage. Gone are the carefree days of sex whenever you want it, and hello to the days of work, obligation, familiarity, and child care.
If you go after your sister in law, not only will you cause a very serious family situation, you will severely hurt your son and your wife, you'll hurt your sister's son as well. And for what?? Remember a time when your wife was all you could think about? Remember when you used to spend every waking moment thinking about her? It works both ways too. There will come a time when, after your passionate feelings for your SIL burn out, you'll need to put in just as much work into the new relationship. Why? Because you take yourself with you into the new relationship. Add to that the feelings of guilt you'll feel for wrecking your home and your SIL's home, and you'll be in for much more heartache.
The grass is not greener on the other side. Put some real effort into your marriage. Go to counselling if you need it. Take an extended vacation. Try to unravel all the little resentments and annoyances that crop up in most marriages and cultivate your love like a farmer cultivates and nourishes the ground.
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