A
female
age
30-35,
*exxiylove
writes:Well hello there. :) I'm here just like half the other people here. Advice on a relationship. Here's my story; My boyfriend and I have been together for a little amount of time. Not the longest relationship on the record but it's a decent one. We're very happy together and we get along lovely. We do very well for a long distance relationship. But see here's the thing, he's in a band, and I'm never doing anything. He says he wants me to get out and do stuff, but once i do he is always freaking out. He is scared I'm with someone, a guy to be specific. He has every right to be this way, because i cheated. But I've been so true lately and good to him. but basically he's always doing something and I'm not. He is dearly in love with his band, but i hate it. Not the band itself, but the fact it takes up a lot of his time. I know i need to lay back and let him live life, and live his dreams. I never, ever want to take him from his band. I care way too much for his feelings to interact with that, but i hate being so left out. Not only does he have his band to devote to, his family is strict and always up his butt. It's hard to get by. I know i sound super needy, but I've laid back for quite some time, and let him live his life and i've always supported him. It's getting hard to deal with. I'm losing so much hope in him it's unbelievable. I want to be with him cause he is A great guy, with such good intentions, but I've been feeling like i don't need to be with him anymore. As if his busy life is getting to me. I don't know how much longer i can deal with it. I just need advice on what i should do? I'm stuck between on what's best? Help would be lovely, thanks :)
View related questions:
long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): you have a part time-long distance relationship. He's in a travelling band and probably ambitious for his future in his band. He's learning, he's growing, he's reaching out to develop his skills. He's energized by it all because he has goals. He may take another 5 to 10 years to get his band to a pinnacle he aspires to reach. But even then he may meet a mind blowing gorgeous woman who understands his industry and shares his love of the band and passion for music, some time after he becomes successful. Then you will be history. And what will you have achieved if you sit home wondering when he will be back to see you. Are you happy being the available occasional accomodating girl friend when he has time for you? In what ways could you develop your skills? Real work skills. Not silly shallow things, but something challenging and stimulating? Because otherwise you run the risk of becoming the carping, complaining girlfriend who is a miserable nag. Can you go on to be that? Or would you rather take charge of your own life? You would get no more time with him if you were with him, on the road. Because the band has to come first. And the band groupies , who mean nothing to the band, but are available, and used by band members, because they throw themselves at the band members, would probably upset you. Could you work out some independant goals for yourself?
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Hi well you arent needy its understandable that you want more time with him, especially when the relationship is new you usually want to spend every mintue together. You need to tell your boyfriend how you feel though, tell him that you know his band means a lot to him and you totally stand by him but you are feeling a little neglected and want to spend more time with him, ask him if it is possible for him to make some more time for you as you are feeling left out. He sounds like he has a little trust issue with you due to you cheating and although you need to earn his trust back you also need to get out with friends and build up your own social life as well and he needs to accept this.
...............................
A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (1 November 2010):
You probably won't like my advice, but I think it is best if you moved on from your boyfriend. There are two reasons for my opinion. The first is that you cheated on him. Trust is the very foundation of a solid relationship, and unfortunately you've damaged that trust to the point where it is likely irreparable. The second reason is that at your age LDR or minimal contact relationships just don't work out very well, for easily understandable reasons. It would probably be best for both of you if you just mutually decided to end it.
...............................
|
