A
female
age
30-35,
*ivejust2bJess
writes:I'm 17 and getting married to my older brothers friend who is 31 and also were trying to have a baby. he has two kids from a former marriage. we love each other so much more than anything in the world. but im afraid that my family or his wont accept our love for each other. they dont know about us being together. but im even scared to have a big wedding that i always dreamed about cuz im afraid someone might stand up and reject. especially with the baby. when we have one i want my family to be in his or her life. but idk whats gunna happen. what should i do?
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female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (10 February 2011):
Hang on. Hold up. You are dating a man who is 14 years older than you and your family doesn't know about it? And you want to get married and have a baby at 17? Are you even finished with high school?
Sweetheart. Please. I know when you are 17 your first love is SO perfect and important and you are so impatient to get out there into LIFE and get going... but honestly, please from an older woman with a bit of perspective, I'm begging you. Don't rush into this. Slow down. You have plenty of time for a husband and a baby.
You say you don't know what's gonna happen at your wedding... i say think about what else do you not know that is going to happen that you won't know what to do about? Having a baby, you will need the support of your family. Give yourself some time to grow up a little more. Finish high school. Get a job. Learn a skill. Live on your own for a while and learn to support yourself before you try to support a child.
Marriage and children requires strength and maturity. Mature people don't sneak off and date people in secret behind their family's back. These are really serious commitments you are talking about here. Why rush? Look around these boards and i am sure you will find many stories of women who rushed into marriage and babies too young and they regret it now, wish they had taken more time. Love isn't a bottle of milk with an expiration date. If your love is real it will last.
I would recommend slowing down. Step one. Finish school. Step two. Tell your family about your relationship and work on getting to a place where everyone is good with it and supportive of it. Step three. Let a few years go by, and then you can think about marriage and children, and you can have the big dream wedding for real, the way you imagine.
Boring advice, I know. Compared to the excitement of a secret wedding. But if you aren't ready to do what's right instead of what's thrilling, then you aren't ready to marry and start a family.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Wait til about a year after you guys get married to try for a baby. Live as husband and wife first. Trust me on that. There will be PLENTY of time for adding a child.
Also, if anyone stands up it would be to object not reject.
WHY has he (your BF) not talked to your parents about marrying you?
And what is the hurry - you are 17!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): Hiya, if i was in your situation, i would feel how you feel!
Its important to understand how your family might feel about this, because your so young and just starting your life, and your already thinking about settling down!
I think you should take it slow, dont drop the bombshell on your family that your getting married and you want to have a baby, let them know that your dating your brothers 31 year old friend, that will be a shock in itself for your family, then gradually as they learn to accept that you really are happy with him, tell them when your pregnant, and say its only right to be married when the baby comes along.
Im hoping this makes sense, and i hope it helps you!
Good Luck!
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