A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Where do I begin? I am the ex wife of a man who a so desperately yearn for after almost 3 yrs of separation. Problem is that after casually dating someone else for almost 2 yrs I am now 6 mons pregnant with his child.Could I have done something 4-5 mons about this unplanned situation; Yeah. Did I come 5 mins away of doing so; yeah, but I couldn't get through the guilt of parting ways w. this poor child for the sake of my own stupidity and so here I am.Let me paint the picture a little more. My ex and I started dating 16 yrs ago and were married 8 yrs later. We share a beautiful 5 yr old daughter together after years of trouble conceiving, including having to bury our 1st child due to an pre mature delivery 4 days before christmas. We have seen and been thru it ALL. Losing our son, losing my father/best friend, losing his father and mother a month apart in 2 seperate tragic accidents a week before Thanksgiving and 6 days before Christmas. And on and on it goes. Now it was the death of his mother where I feel it all fell to pieces. I as the supportive wife came up w. the decision to move into his mom's home w. his step-father (who my ex loves so dearly as his own) so that he doesnt have to be alone. Little did I know I was walking into a No-win situation. I took on both his and his step father's anger/resentment/sadness. Left to live w. feeling guilty for not living up to her standards. So after 2 years of doing everything I could to get my husband to see what he was doing to our relationship by all his actions due to his depression he chose to ignore the severity of it all and forced me to leave. Funny thing is if you ask him this he will tell you the same. "I pushed her away and did nothing to get her back."So now after 3 yrs it has been clear to me that it was a HUGE bump in the road that I should've rode out because he is like none other. He is an IMPECCABLE father and friend. Our relationship now is indescribable. I publicly call him my Best Friend, even to the current boyfriend and i make no apologies.Now as for the current. Yeah he's great. Very laid back, very sexy, very fun to "hang out" with. We enjoy alot of the same that I couldn't enjoy w. the Ex. But I know he is no one I want to spend the rest of my life w. The chemistry in comparison to my Ex is very mediocre. I don't really feel comfortable in his world. His family is nice but I never feel like I belong in their circle and he doesn't blend in with my circle very well either. The ex and I on the other hand...Like butter where ever we are. His family still loves me and my family is still madly in love w. him.To get away from the rambling of it all. Basically I DO NOT want to be w. the father of this unborn child. I realize I may have to deal w. him for as long and as much as he wants to be involved but I want it to end there. I DO want to have my husband back and for what I believe is all the right reasons. I honestly don't expect him to be open to moving in together and playing Brady Bunch or even taking the responsibility of this child. But I would like us to be close or work on being close on some level than what it is again.All who know us feel like we are destined together. Have my actions destroyed the possibility of this? Am I a bad person for wanting this? Am I taking the Ex for a "sucker" by contemplating the possibility? The guilt and anguish of it all is killing me. I feel as if I am setting up a situation for a sleazy talk show episode. I'm finding myself having to take time in the bathroom to get a good cry out unbeknown to the current boyfriend but I feel like I can't ignore what I am feeling a moment longer.Someone be honest w. me please!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): You cannot honestly expect your hb to accept you with another mans child. That is downright disrespectful to him and yep, as per your own words, you will make a sucker out of him.
You made a decision to walk out of your marriage. Plse realise marriage is threw good times and even the worse times. And during the worse times you bailed.
I think you you love your hb as much as u claim then do the honorable thing and release him. You had your season with him and you choose otherwise.
I think you will eventually resent this baby but I think you will be very unfair. Yes I think you should have made that decision to terminate when you has the choice. However you decided to keep the baby so you will have to face the consequences of your choices.
Sadly you need to move on. Do not force your hb into a situation where he himself starts to resent you. I do not think he will be able to look you in the eye anymore and vice versa.
Please accept your lot in life and move on. You do not love your new lover and you are just wasting time. You know that t you passed your sell by date a long time with him. So make a home for yourself and your kids and accept being a single parent. I think u hurt your hb very much when you moved on with your lover so please you cannot expect to take you back while you have another mans child. It is disrespectful and cruel.
I am curious: did your hb also move on with his life after you left?
LoveGirl
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 Don't ever blame the baby for this, but in my humble opinion your chances with your ex are very bad now. It is not every man who will take a woman he divorced when she is pregnant by another man.
Now, if the relationship with Second Guy doesn't work well, then you have to do something about it. Probably you will not be with any of the two men. That is not the end of the world, but I do believe you'd need to think long and hard about this.
May I say that I don't believe that the fact your ex is not likely to return to you should not prevent you from leaving the current guy? You have to define whether you want to be with this guy, or not, on the basis of his own merits alone.
Take care.
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