A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Is it true that some people truly love their mate, but never show affection, or give them any verbal confirmation, such as compliments or little sweet "I love you's"....I came from a very loving family, I grew up seeing my parents show affection. A loving pat, a squeeze on the arm, the way my Dad used to put his hand on my mom's lower back.....But I can't seem to get my b/f to understand that I need these things. He says he hates public displays of affection, which I can respect, but he doesn't do those things when we're alone in private either. The other thing that puzzles me, is that my b/f never tells me I look nice, or notices if I wear something sexy. He never flirts with me, or gives me a suggestive look when I undress in front of him. He usually just diverts his eyes and I know he didn't used to be like this. I know his parents were very affectionate with each other so I know it isn't because he was raised differently from me. I feel like we're good companions for each other, but I need more intimacy. Yet when I try to tell him that these things are important to me, he dismisses them and refuses to budge. It's like he wants to keep me on some kind of "platonic" level and I am craving more intimacy from him. I don't know if I'm the one with the hang up here, or if it's him but it's starting to be a problem for us. I don't feel close to him, we do occasionally have sex, but then he goes back to making me feel like I'm just a friend. I try to give him the chemistry I crave, by telling him he looks good in certain clothes, or I'll pat his butt sometimes and tell him he's hot but he's just not interested in doing those things for me. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2007): I can understand your problem. I am only a minor, and I used to feel the same way about my b/f. He is warming up to me more, but he just told me recently that he doesn't like hugs or touch. I had no idea...but it is confusing because he grabs my hand, and hugs me from behind. He kisses my neck and says i love you. If you really care about his man, then stick. record one thing that bothers you and 2 things that are good on his phone every week. Guys take a while to change things so then give him the whole week to change that one thing...and keep doing this. Guys like to see happiness in their partner...its very gratifying, so if he does something once, and you really enjoy it, be really happy, and then dont bother him, he will want to do it more.
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (12 April 2007):
 This sounds so much like a realtionship from my past it is quite unnerving. It finished mainly due to this reason and I now kick myself for not acting more impulsively and showing more affection. (I did have my reasons tho). However, I did show more affection than he seems to be.Some people find it hard to flirt, show their intimate side than others. There maybe a hidden reason for this. He may have an issue which he does'nt fully realise or he does'nt want to face. If he does'nt want to talk about it this is going to force you apart and you WILL feel like just friends which is a horrible situation to be in, (trust me). It seems you are up front with him as much as you can be and he must be able to see your pain.This is for him to sort out. He needs to aknowledge your needs. Is the sex akward? Is it often?This situation is a horrible one for both of you. If you do split up and he loves you very much, he will find it hard to understand and will kick himself for not doing more when he had the chance. You will end up losing your love or just getting angry with him for not loving you the way you deserve.Relationships need an even balance of intimacy and privacy, he needs to open up to you more. Whether it be a cuddle on the sofa, him rubbing your feet, a kiss, whatever it takes but it needs to start somewhere.If he loves you and you can communicate well there should be nothing stopping both of you working this out before things between you get weird.The other thing is he might be having second thoughts about the relationship, hence wanting to keep a distance. I dont know about that but it is a possibility I suppose.You both really need to talk if you want this to work. Unfortuantly my previous relationship went in a similar direction and it was painful for me as I still loved her but she eventually lost her "love" for me and just saw me as a friend. I will never forgive myself for that, and he wont either if this is the case with you two.Cut this in bud before the distance is too much, you need to be willing to help him as much as he must be willing to express himself and show it through his love for you.I really do wish you all the best...Goodluck..
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (12 April 2007):
 Some people show their love for others in what they do for them. My friend has a husband who isn't that big on showing her affection (physically or verbally), but she knows he cares about her from his actions: like she would come home one day and discover he fixed the water pipes, or that he had changed all the strings and re-tuned her guitar (tedious work).
So maybe you can ask yourself if it might be that your guy is one of those people who can't express his love in the good old way of words and touch, but maybe through other actions.
I can understand that his "platonic style" love can be an annoyance for somebody who is used to expressing themselves in words and physical contact. Maybe you can have a talk with him about it and ask why it's difficult for him or if his feelings for you have changed in some way.
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