A
female
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anonymous
writes:Iv been seeing a man for 2 years,he lives on his own but has a busy work life while im divorced with 3 kids.The problem is,im not sure if he is just using me for sex? We see each other at weekends and every time we do we end up having sex.I asked him how he felt about me and he said that he was serious about me but doesn't seem to be in any rush to take the relationship any further...even after 2 years.He takes me out to pub lunches and art museums but i have to rush back for the kids so i dont spend the night with him.Im feeling frustrated because he is still happy with the situation,i guess i want more from him like including me in his future plans but because he has never had children he said he would rather wait until my kids are old enough to look after themselves and then me and him could live together,but that seems so far away to me.Is he just using me for sex or not?...or is it just excuses he keeps giving me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2006): I think you are being unfair by now wondering if this guy is "using you". You've got the same out of this relationship as he has so he is not to blame for how things have turned out.
He doesn't even seem to have tried to deceive you; he's been up front and he's told you he doesn't want to be a dad to your children.
I don't see why this guy would suddenly want to give you more. Why would he? I think you need to either accept his terms of the relationship, or, don't, and move on and look for someone else who satisfies your requirements.
If you are unhappy though - don't stick things out hoping things will change. They probably won't and you'll end up resenting him. Just accept that he doesn't want to be the person you want him to be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2006): Well...he likes being independent and his world is all about him so...why would he change this dynamic? It serves him quite well.
Are you prepared to move on and find that someone who is willing to commit to you and be with you regardless if you have children from a previous marriage?
It's time to make the man decide and it's time to prepare yourself for the worse.
Honey, I found a loving man who loves and accepts me and my four children. I was very fortunate he saw past the number and saw the woman that I am and all that I had to offer.
There is a man out there who is wanting to be this for you; you need to realize you are a good, loving woman with the world to offer.
Good Luck.
*hugs*
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female
reader, pica +, writes (3 September 2006):
I agree with other posters that he seems happy with your arrangement. Why not push the boundaries a little to see how he reacts? How about you meet up as usual but don't let it progress to sex? Could the kids be elsewhere for a night and you could be with him? Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (3 September 2006):
 It sounds like he's happy with the setup, so he has no reason to change it. He gets his jollies, with no strings attached. Pretty simple game plan. If you want something more, you have to make the effort, or move on.
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A
female
reader, maisy +, writes (3 September 2006):
You sound very paitent 2years Why would he want to take the relationship any futher if he dosn,t have to. I'm in a similar situation but i put on pressure because i know what i want, and he runs everytime we have been off an on because of it, but this guy your seeing dosn't have kids he really dosn't have much of an excuse not to come back with you help tuck the kids in and spend the night with you. He is not using you for sex but he is still using you to meet his needs and for 2 years yours havn't been meet. I think you Should higher your standards, you not going to get what you want by waiting you know if he runs dont be like me and call him and text earn some respect for yourself and let all men chase you. i should listen to myself
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2006): let me share my thought about this my dear,i think he do care for you' but it sounds like he is avoid of having a responsabilities in his life and having you in a serious relationship with your 3 children may let him think of big responsabilities.if you feel you are hanging in the middle why not let him go' if he really love and care about you he will come to you.try to face the reality my dear...
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