A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm hoping someone can help me. Here's my story. I'm seeing a man who lives over an hour from me and is going through a divorce. He has not moved out yet, however. He is still living with his wife/to be ex and kids while saving money to set-up house. They are not seperating or divorcing b/c of me, but it had started way before I entered the picture. His wife knows about me and she is seeing another man as well. We have slept together...he stayed over at my house and his wife knows this as well. It is hard for him still living with her, but he's not able to afford to move out yet.I'm sure people will tell me to forget him, but it's not that easy... I am falling in love with him. He really is a wonderful man. Very sweet and attentive. However my heart is troubled about it. I want him to have his own place. I want the divorce to be final. I want to be able to see him more often...right now it's about every couple weeks and never definite. I really miss him.I've talked about some of this stuff with him and I don't want to keep bringing stuff up. I mostly tell him I miss him and want to hold him, etc. He knows I want him to move out. But I want to get closer to him and it's hard when we don't see each other often. Do I tell him I feel this way? He does value honesty, but I don't want to pressure him.Any advice for a gal who's falling for a not yet seperated or divorced man who she wants to see more often?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (8 January 2011):
As a man who went through a divorce, my concern is that he probably started this relationship with you while he was still healing & getting over his failed marriage. So there's a definite risk you could be a rebound. There are different stages one goes through during a divorce, and it isn't until the process is completely over and some time has elapsed before I think one is ready to begin another lasting relationship.
So with that in mind, I recommend patience. Give this guy time to move on from his ex, move out of the house, and reestablish himself. If you're still in the picture at that point then there's a chance for the two of you. Right now he just can't possibly give what you want.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): I think he's well aware of your feelings miss. This is a time where you need to be patient and wait for two things to happen: His divorce and his financial status to be independent. Not to mention, he may need some closure from the divorce before completely jumping into something with you. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): I do not advise on nor engage in home wrecking and neither should you. Get your own man and you won't need more. You can start by respecting yourself and attending etiquette school.
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