A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this man that I love for a year now. I do not get (on) very well with my family, nor am I adapting too well with in my country and culture. My boyfriend is English and he is working here until summer 2018 then leaving. I want to leave with him and get married because it will make everything a lot easier, and the process of leaving from here without a husband, easier. I am not using him and I love him from the bottom of my heart and do want to be with him away from all the ugliness and restrictions here. I don't know how to approach him or how to bring this topic up? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2017): He hasn't asked me to marry him because whenever he asked my views on marriage i said i wouldn't ever get married because by then I didn't think that we would actually progress to that point. He asked me to go away with him to another country not his home country because there are no visa requirements for it and asked me to live with him, which is what I want but I don't wanna have any problems actually going out of my country because of customs and traditions and me going with a foreign man, they always can stop me.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 October 2017):
 Has he asked you to marry him? Has he at least spoken of a future with you? What would you have done if he wasn't on the scene? Have you chosen to be his girlfriend because of his nationality?
It's difficult to convince him to get married and in all fairness, it does look like you just want a ticket to freedom. And that's fine in a way because you too have a right to lead the kind of life that you dream of. It's just the way that you're going about it isn't right.
It sounds from your post that this man hasn't spoken about marriage because obviously that's why you don't know how to bring this up. If he were interested in marrying you then he would be working towards that by now.
So let's say you do ask him to marry you now, citing the fact that you love him very much and you want to get away from your country. He agrees and that solves your problems. If he doesn't, you're stuck where you are. Either way, you're at his mercy. My point is, why don't you make an effort yourself to move? You're young and if you are still a student then you can apply to a university abroad. Even if you're not a student, you can still aim for a higher degree. This way, you're not dependent on anyone to better your life and your situation. You are in charge yourself. You are your own knight in shining armour, not some guy you've barely known for a year.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (27 October 2017):
Has he asked you to marry him? Has he at least spoken of a future with you? What would you have done if he wasn't on the scene? Have you chosen to be his girlfriend because of his nationality?
It's difficult to convince him to get married and in all fairness, it does look like you just want a ticket to freedom. And that's fine in a way because you too have a right to lead the kind of life that you dream of. It's just the way that you're going about it isn't right.
It sounds from your post that this man hasn't spoken about marriage because obviously that's why you don't know how to bring this up. If he were interested in marrying you then he would be working towards that by now.
So let's say you do ask him to marry you now, citing the fact that you love him very much and you want to get away from your country. He agrees and that solves your problems. If he doesn't, you're stuck where you are. Either way, you're at his mercy. My point is, why don't you make an effort yourself to move? You're young and if you are still a student then you can apply to a university abroad. Even if you're not a student, you can still aim for a higher degree. This way, you're not dependent on anyone to better your life and your situation. You are in charge yourself. You are your own knight in shining armour, not some guy you've barely known for a year.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (27 October 2017):
 A year is not long at all, especially when uprooting your life because you will become dependent on him for a while (until you can get a job and such, which isn't easy as someone living here, let alone if you have no job references in England), and he may not be ready for that commitment.Wait to see if he brings it up. A month before he leaves, ask him where he sees this going (don't ask about marriage straight away). I'm sorry, but it is possible that you're his girlfriend while he's in your country, so he's not lonely, but has no plans of staying with you once he leaves - it happens and it's not nice, but it's realistic.Also, I understand why you find it difficult in your country, but leaving will not be easier - you're fantasising about it, but it's usually a lot of paperwork, legal fees, evidence, etc., even with marriage. It may be better, but it is not easier and you'll be seen as using him if you continue focusing on escaping your family/country.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 October 2017):
 Do not approach him with marriage as it has only been a year and it may scare him. But do be honest with him. You love him, you have been together a year now, so I am sure you can both talk about your future. Summer 2018 is not to far away so you should sit down and ask him how your relationship is going to work if he is moving home, and ask what does he see happening in the future? The only way to sort through this is to talk to each other and ensure that you both want the same thing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2017): Men often feel pressure once the female presents the marriage idea. He may be one of these. He must like you a lot if you've been together for a year. Just be your sweet self. If he hasn't brought up marriage by the time he leaves, then would be the appropriate time for you to bring it up for discussion. At that time, which I see as a few weeks before he departs, don't ask him for marriage... Ask him what his plans are for your romance. If he hasn't mentioned it by that time, he probably isn't interested. If he really treasures you and wants a life together, he'll start discussing it well before he departs.
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