A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I want lots of sex but unfortunately my partner doesnt! I lost my virginity at 24. The first time wasn't great and neither was the second time...but then it just kept getting better and better and now I'm hooked! However, my partner who is in his mid 40s is not as keen on having sex with me.The last time we had sex, we did it, I climaxed then him and he basically got cleaned up, cuddled me and fell asleep whilst I lay there wanting more! And also the sex we have is very much 'love making' which is fantastic but I need some excitement. Since I lost my virginity we have only had sex like 12 times and its been two years!He claims he had a lot of wild sex when he was younger, he has been in lot of relationships and even has (grown) kids so its not really his thing anymore. He also claims that he is tired and to be honest he works VERY hard so a lot of time he really is too tired to even stay awake.I guess I just need to vent as I REALLY want to have lots of sex! I really want to experience hair-pulling, wild sex in various places not just at night on our bed! He was my first so its not like I got to experience with anyone else and to be honest I dont want to. I really love him and the only man I want to have sex with.Cheating is not an option for me, as I don't want any other man nor do I ever want to break his trust or hurt him in any way but I REALLY want to do things that people talk about! I feel like I am missing out not to mention that its really frustrating as I am SO attracted to him and just want to jump his bones all the time.I'm really proud of my body now and I'm 26 so it would be perfect time to really experiment and see what I like and don't like but I just dont have a willing partner!I have come to the conclusion that he is more important to me than anything, so if this is how its going to be then I'll just have to live with it, but ...at the same time I feel as if I am running out of time and my youth is slipping away and I wont have great sex ever!I don't know what advice I want- I have tried everything. I spoke to him about it and he shuts down and says that everything is fine its just hte tiredness and that sex is not everything and he had lots of it when he was younger. I tried to seduce him with cute costumes (school girl, bunny, nurse etc) I bought flavoured lube, cuffs, lacy underwear anything I could think off. I cooked him meals I make him feel great about him self but it just doesn't work. I go up to him if he is sitting somewhere and try to give him oral sex but he says he is tired or that he is busy and says no.Any thoughts welcome, especially if you are going to say that I'm not missing out and sex is actually dull and boring and I'm just hyping it up in my head ;)(I posted this before but didn't get enough responses so perhaps you can give me another chance?)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): I hope this helps, not hurts.Mid 40's and only wanting sex 12 times in 2 years? For most men that age that is extremely low.There is a problem, and he should see a doctor, with you present, and he probably needs several hormone tests done.(Frankly, you've had sex as much in 2 years as many of us like to have it in a month...not that it always happens as much as we like).It will become an unbearable issue for you. If this doesn't help, and his hormones are all "normal", then you need a counselor at the very least.Don't assume it is age difference.Costumes probably won't help that much, for most men who are comfortable with themselves and like their partners, there really isn't anything more sexy than a naked woman who wants to have sex with you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): In all honesty lovely, sexual compatibility is VERY important in a relationship.. And you guys don't have it. You are on different pages of life, and it is causing conflicts in things, including sex. He's older and it isn't as important. You're in your prime. If you stay with him, you will never experience what you want to.. And most likely, you will grow very resentful. All people who I have ever heard about or known who are not sexually compatible do. He gets sick of you wanting him to perform all the time, and you get sick of not getting what you need. Just warning you. It's best for you to find someone closer to your own walk in life and your own sexual desires. My fiance and I mesh perfectly in and out of the bedroom, so it is entirely possible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): I think you are not sexually compatible, and the age difference is probably the key here. That combined with him working very hard and I can see that he just isn't interested enough to fulfil your needs. I don't think there is anyone at fault here and no blame to be apportioned. I think you are both acting naturally, but in this case it means that you can't both be happy.
I think you need to find someone younger, really, if you want more sex. I don't think there's any more to it than that. Where is this relationship going? Are you going to get engaged or have kids? If you are already worrying about wasting your youth then you need to address these questions. I don't think you can change your bf. You need to decide what you want and act accordingly.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (3 September 2010):
 He is saying he is tired, he probably is. Tiredness can take the edge off a good sex life that's a fact. When my hubby worked nights sex was non existent because he was basically knackered all the time. We stuck together tho and things got better with a change of job. Hold on in there. Maybe you could just take it up a step occasionally every now and then. He may feel pressured to perform. If you are feeling frustrated you could always buy a sex toy to use during your dull times. If you can't cope any longer you may have to take up a toy boy, then probably you might not be able to keep up to him. Hope this helps
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