A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I am writing because im currently 6 weeks pregnant. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now. Its the second time we are trying things. We met 3 years ago and dated for 7 months . I got pregnant with him then and we decided to have an abortion because at that time we only knew each other 3 months and wetent ready for a baby. It was one of the hardest things to do but I felt it was a best decision. We broke up for a year few months after... It may have beem with all that stress so early in our relationship. After that he had another gf, and I tried to date but never got over him. Since last june we have been inseperable and things have been so good that we even moved in together little over a month ago, and boom a month of living together im pregnant. Another fluke. I love him and he loves me but I dont feel ready for a baby . Im 27 hes 30. We are old enough to, but id like to see where are relationship goes now that we live together . Want to make sure he is the one, hopefully get married in couple years then get married and have kids. He is leaning more towards keeping the baby but agrees its not the best time and we are on the same page . I really love him, and dont want abortion too ruin our relationship. Please , dont tell me im horible person for wanting an abortion because I already know. Just need advice, is it possible tis will hurt our relationship, and how to recover after it ? Im torn, I want his children, but after we are married and more stable in our relationship.
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 It most likely will damage your relationship, especially as he has said he would like to keep the child.
And is doing it at 'the right time' more important to you than anything else?
And yes, sorry to say I do think this is a pretty horrible attitude to have. Horrible because you have done it once already. Horrible because you should have been ultra careful if you knew you didn't want a child now. And horrible because you seem to think the guy has no choice, and the child is non-existent.
But it is your life. You are trying to ask us how to help safeguard your happiness. I'm afraid my advice would be to have the child you have conceived, accept your responsibilities as a woman and mother, and be very grateful you have a second child.
These matters aren't superficial, and this isn't a game, or a store where you buy something, change your mind, and give it back.
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (13 June 2011):
 It is best for children to have TWO stable parents who are ready and want them.
Consider how you did with the previous abortion. Did you process the emotions and phsyical issues with it?
Would you want to and are you capable of repeating that experience?
Have you considered placing a child for adoption if you are not ready?
If you choose to abort, make sure you talk to your Dr. about a reliable birth control until you are READY.
(Consider your future fertility too and discuss with your Dr. If this was the only time you COULD concieve, would that effect your decision.)
Keep in mind, there IS no perfect time to have a child-they are remarkably inconvienient people:)
My Mom was an unwed, single Mom at the age of 19. My Bio Father fled Fatherhood. While it was incredibily difficult, my Mother chose to keep me and raised me on her own. She said it was the hardest, and best choice she ever made. Later, she married and found out she COULD not concieve.
I know this is not an easy choice-just look at ALL your options before you do.
Best Wishes.
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