A  ,
anonymous
writes:hey.my boyfriend doesn't know how to show love or affection. he can't cuddle me or kiss me unless there is another reason. the only time i ever feel this real love and affection is when we are having sex.i know he isn't just with me for the sex as it hardly ever happens (once a month) and we've been together for nearly 3 years.i've tried to talk to him about it. explaining that i need more love and affection and i feel he can only do that during sex. but now he has decided to have a six month ban on sex. i really don't know what to do. if he could show me love and affection in other ways i'd be ok with it but since he cant i dont know what im going to do. he says he doesnt even want to hear about this topic for the next 6 months either.please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): my boyfriend is the exact same way to me. i always am trying to hold him, rub his back, tell him i love him, just everything i can possibly do, thinking that if he likes it he will want to do the same for me, but he never does. the only time he gives me waht i want is during sex and i feel like he only cuddle with me then is to get sex because he knows how much i want to be close to him. sometimes i try to pull away from him thinking that it'll make him come to me, but he never does. i guess he's not a mindreader, that's why, he never knows what i am thinking -- he never asks, which leads me to think he doesn't really care anyways. i have addressed this problem to him numerous times and he just says that he isn't the same as he is in the beginning of our relation ship. he tells me that people change and to 'get over it' because 'life's not always fair'. i really thought he was 'the one' but now i am thinking about breaking up with him, too. not sure that i could live with someone like this forever but i am too scared to be alone so i won't break up with him yet. it's shitty.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): I give my boyfriend hints all the time that i want more affection but it doesn't help. What should I do?
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female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (19 January 2007):
 I need love and affection 2 , I felt like that about aboy I dated I always hughed him and hold his hand sometime, try to cuddle him or embrace him while he wa talking on the phone while we toghether in the sofe but he was so cold.... he would never ask me about my feelings... then he only wanted sex, no foreplay or anything, I rejected that behaviour so he dropped me be brave, I cried a lot but I need loce to feel cared about I know many men are different
love
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (19 January 2007):
 I agree with Ponungalungb, there really doesn't look like the future's very bright here. Don't waste anymore time here. Time to move on. You'll find the right guy I'm positive.
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male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (19 January 2007):
 I don't know who has the bigger problem here, you, or "useless" the agony aunt who responded by saying her boyfriend forces her to have sex. That, my dear, is rape. . . a felony with serious consequences where I live.
In both instances, my advice would be the same. Lose him.
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A
female
reader, useless  +, writes (19 January 2007):
 Well everytime im with my boy-friend he's always looking in every direction. I always try to hold him, hug him or hold his hands, but he just doesn't want to. And when were going to have sex that's when he really holds me and compreses his body to me. Sometimes i just think that he's with me for sex and not for the love. Also sometimes I think he might be having sex with other girls because he kind of likes having sex and sometimes he forces me to have sex with him. I really don't know what to do. If i want affection from him I feel as if i should stay away from him first or go on break until he misses me and tells me that he misses me for my love, but not for my sex. And if he had sex with other girls then that's too bad for him because i can't stand guys who are like kind of addicted to sex. And maybe there's always another guy out there waiting for my love and not just for my sex, but i just might not be looking hard enough.
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A
female
reader, sexseahot +, writes (19 January 2007):
 I had this same problem with one of my ex's. He never knew how to give me love and affection and sometimes I just felt as if it just wasn't important to him as it was to me. I also tried explaining this to him, but he would never listen and never got the point. I was with him for
2 1/2 years and realized I couldn't stay with someone like this. He was obvoiusly never going to change and I need affection to feel loved and secure about the relationship.
I had to break up with him because of this. If you are feeling the same way that I did, that might be your best bet as well. If he can not and will not give you the affection you think you deserve, there is someone out there that will. Especially if he don't even want to talk about this with you, did something happen to him that makes him unable to show this side of intimacy? Just let him know that it's not because you WANT affection, it's because you personally NEED it.
Good Luck!!!!
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A
female
reader, melschatbox +, writes (19 January 2007):
 Well, he's shut down any chance of communicating about this painful subject with you . That's not fair. You need more in this relationship and he should strive to give it to you. He "sounds" like he has a fear of intimacy and close relationships. Sometimes counseling can help with this. You can't force him to give you what you need. You will have to decide just how much your willing to deprive yourself of the nurturing you need for the sake of HIS feelings. You should never marry if this doesn't change
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